


Delete Winter

by luvsanime02



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Attempted Suicide, Blood, Canon Disabled Character, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Drug Addiction, F/M, Families of Choice, Humor, Involuntary Vomiting, Language, Night Terrors, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Original Character(s), Pet Adoption, Prostitution, Pseudo-Incest, Rape/Non-con - Freeform, Recovery, Self-Abortion, Self-Harm, Self-Sacrifice, Teenage Pregnancy, Therapy, Torture, Underage Drug Use, Underage Prostitution, Underage Rape/Non-con, Underage Sex, Underage Sex Ring, Undercover Missions, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-07-18 23:17:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 25,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16128749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsanime02/pseuds/luvsanime02
Summary: Levi’s brother has been murdered, and now his niece is missing. Levi sets out to find Mikasa, whatever it takes. This is a dark modern!AU fic about Mikasa and Eren’s childhood, and about how Levi, Mikasa, and Eren later slowly struggle to form a family together. This is a story about pain and survival, and about how recovery is always possible.





	1. The First Frost

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been edited and re-posted.

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own Shingeki no Kyojin, and am making no money off of this fic.

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**Delete Winter** by luvsanime02

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**Chapter 1: The First Frost**

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Grisha Jaeger runs up the hill as quickly as possible, desperately trying to ignore the feeling of dread in his stomach, and praying that he isn’t already too late.

The front door is ajar when he finally gets to the cabin, and there’s a body splayed across the entrance. His only consolation is that the corpse is obviously that of an adult. Still, Grisha feels his heart skip a beat, only to start a much faster rhythm as fear grips hold of him tightly.

“Eren…” he calls out, but the plea escapes his throat only reluctantly, and comes out as a hoarse croak of a whisper. He walks forward, no longer running, now so very afraid of what he might find when he enters the tiny cabin.

Grisha isn’t expecting the only other dead bodies inside to belong to two more adults, and for two children to be huddled together in a corner, alive and dripping with blood. He races forward.

“Eren!” he cries out, dropping to his knees. “Are you alright? What did you think you were doing?!” Grisha can’t quite keep a tremble out of his voice, and his hands sweep with practiced precision over his son’s body, searching for wounds. It takes Eren tugging harshly out of his grip for Grisha to stop and stare instead.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” his son insists passionately. The young Ackerman girl is silent beside Eren, clutching his arm. “I was just getting rid of some monsters! I had to help her!”

Grisha blinks, and takes a moment to absorb his son’s words. Slowly, he turns around to look closer at the bodies. There are three men, all lifeless and already starting to bloat, and all obviously recently stabbed to death. There’s also a knife on the floor by the children’s feet. The blood spatters all over the kid’s clothes and hands and faces, that Grisha at first mistook as theirs from unseen injuries, is already slowly beginning to dry brown.

The young Ackerman girl has a scrape on the corner of her mouth, but otherwise, she doesn’t look seriously harmed. Her eyes are locked onto Eren’s face.

 “You…” he starts to say, but Grisha honestly doesn’t know how to finish his thought. These three dead men murdered two good clients of his, decent people who were only quietly living together in peace. Those men then kidnapped the Ackermans’ young daughter, and tried to do who knows what to her before Eren intervened, and probably also intended on selling her later. Grisha will have to examine her more thoroughly after all of this, just to make sure that she isn’t more injured than she appears. At least her clothing isn’t obviously torn.

“I’m cold,” she mutters softly into the silence, breaking into Grisha’s thoughts. He stands back up, ready to offer her his coat, but Eren has already taken off the scarf that Carla knitted for him, and he begins to wrap it around the girl’s neck. There are spots of drying blood on the fabric, but neither of the children pay this fact any attention.

“It’s okay now,” his son says to her firmly. “You’re going to come and live with us, and you’ll be my sister. See, you’re warm now, right?” The girl lets go of Eren’s arm, and reaches up with her trembling hand to run her fingers along the soft scarf before she nods slowly. Her hand then comes back down and clutches his son’s in a desperate grip.

Grisha has no idea what to do next. All he knows is that his son has just murdered three men in order to save a young girl’s life. That isn’t possible, can’t be, shouldn’t be, but the evidence is right in front of Grisha’s eyes, even if Eren hadn’t already confessed to him. His son, who is only a ten-year-old boy. That won’t stop him from being arrested, tried, and probably sent to a mental institution or something for years, if Grisha calls the police right this second.

Fifteen minutes later, and all three of them are walking as swiftly as possible away from the cabin, a blazing fire heating their backs as they hurry back down the path. Grisha is pretending to be unaffected for the kids’ sakes, but in reality, he can’t get both of them to his car fast enough. The surrounding area is small, with a dirt path leading straight up to the cabin from the house where the Ackermans lived. Once the police discover their murders, it won’t be long before they also notice the path and search the cabin, especially with the fire now sending smoke through the air as an ominous beacon.

With two bloody but astonishingly calm children in his backseat, and with no real idea what to do or think about everything that has happened today, Grisha begins driving away. He turns the heater in the car on high, remembering the girl’s comment about being cold, and worries about shock setting in.

Grisha doesn’t actually want to cover up the murders of the Ackermans. Can’t, he suspects, even if he tries. All that Grisha wants to do is to obscure the scene and muddle the evidence just enough that he can somehow convince the police that Eren wasn’t involved in the murders of those three men. That he wasn’t even there. That Grisha went to visit the Ackermans alone today, and found the bodies and the fire when he arrived. He’ll have to hurry home and then come back, leaving the children in Carla’s care for now.

As the inside of the vehicle turns toasty warm, and he watches incredulously in the mirror while the two children behind him fall asleep, Grisha thinks about what exactly he’s going to say when he calls the police, and he hopes, for his son’s continued freedom, that he can somehow pull this off.


	2. A Chill in the Air

**Chapter 2: A Chill in the Air**

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The bar is no more busy than usual, but Levi Ackerman can’t ignore the feeling that he’s slowly being crowded in from all sides. The regular customers that he has spent the last six fucking months getting to know and gaining respect from are now watching him warily. The scrutiny is enough to set his teeth on edge, though Levi resists the urge to grind them. This reaction is what he’s been waiting for, after all.

Sure enough, Levi hasn’t been sitting down for longer than ten minutes before Poscal shows up, two nameless and forgettable members of his organization flanking him on either side. In response to their entrance, Levi calmly lifts his glass of cheap whiskey and takes another sip, only keeping the grimace off of his face because of his unfortunate familiarity with its taste. The situation is going to get ugly fast, he knows, but Levi is more than ready. This is why he’s here in the first place.

Still, he can’t quite contain his smirk as he purposely ignores the man for another minute. Perhaps it’s a stupidly reckless move, but that’s how Levi operates. Besides, it always gets him results.

Sure enough, after another minute, one of the men with Poscal pulls out a gun. Suddenly, the whole place grows silent, and some people leave in a hurry.

“You know what I’ve been hearing about you, Harris?” Poscal asks softly. Levi likes that the man isn’t bothering with small talk, or other bullshit. It saves time.

Levi also ignores his irritation at hearing that annoyingly fake name Poscal has just called him. Not like this piece of shit knows Levi’s real name. “Couldn’t say,” he answers nonchalantly. “The idiots that you have working for you wouldn’t know good information from bad if it was attached to a prostitute’s tits.”

It's the remark about the prostitute that finally pisses off Poscal enough to make him draw his own gun and open fire, as Levi had known that it would. Most people, even slime like Poscal, get upset over pointed comments about their sisters. Or their mothers.

########

“You’re going to get into more trouble than you can handle one of these days,” his partner, Petra Ral, says amiably a couple of hours later. Levi doesn’t miss the worry in her eyes as she watches the paramedic hovering beside him and working to stop his bleeding.

Levi doesn’t argue with that statement. It’s hard to when he agrees. Unlike Petra, though, Levi doesn’t particularly care if something bad happens to him while he’s undercover on a case. “Is the guy dead yet, or is he still yelling like he’s trying to take a big shit?” he asks, changing the subject.

Petra sighs, but she doesn’t bother to argue with him, much too used to Levi’s attitude by now. “He’s still breathing, of course,” she says. “Your aim is never off.”

Levi watches as the wound on his arm gets cleaned out, ignoring the familiar pain, and waits until a bandage is secured on top before he stands up, not bothering to listen to the paramedic trying to warn him of possible infections and other concerns when dealing with flesh wounds. He’s heard it all before. This isn’t the first time that Levi has been shot while on the job. In fact, he’s lucky that this time the bullet only grazed his arm.

Once he starts walking, Petra silently falls into step beside him. They’d both been undercover, though occupying different roles during the operation. In fact, it was her intelligence that had forewarned Levi about the operation coming to its conclusion that morning.

They both ignore with practice the reporters that are already swarming the area. Levi opens a car door for her, and then climbs in himself after so that someone can drive them back to the precinct. They both have debriefing to go through, and reports to start writing. Their job doesn’t end when the criminals are caught, much to his annoyance.

########

Standing in front of his superior officer’s desk, Levi honestly expects to be either reprimanded or given a commendation for his recent actions. Or, really, to be told anything other than what he hears next.

His younger brother is dead. Some fucker _murdered_ him while Levi was working to shut down that weapons supplier, and murdered his brother’s wife, Aiko, too, and now Mikasa is missing.

Levi wants to throw something, or to kill someone. More than anything, Levi wants to go back in time and not have to regret that he hasn’t talked to his brother for the past three years.

“I want on the case,” he finally says, the words coming out calm and steady but so damn cold.

Levi can tell what the man standing opposite him is going to say before he even opens his mouth. “You know that’s not possible, Ackerman,” Captain Bole says. “Your connection to this case means that you’d be dropped as a liability even if you _were_ already a part of it.”

There’s silence in the room. Levi breathes softly, once, twice, forces himself to calm down and consider what he really wants to do next, and then he unclips his badge and gun. The captain doesn’t flinch from the ice in Levi’s frozen stare, but it’s clearly a near thing. “You shouldn’t,” Bole says quietly.

“I’m not quitting the force because my brother was killed,” Levi says, figuring that the more he divulges now, the less he’ll be interrogated about later.

“Then, why?” Captain Bole looks so confused that it’s almost funny, but really just pitiful.

Snorting, Levi turns around to leave. Over his shoulder, he says, “Well, there’s a body missing, isn’t there? Maybe I’ll go and dig it up.”

He closes the captain’s door behind himself, and then walks unhesitatingly out of the precinct for the last time, his head still feeling remarkably clear. Besides Levi’s immediate anger, which is mostly directed towards himself, revenge isn’t something that Levi especially believes in. Not anymore. Somewhere out there, however, he has an orphaned niece to find, or her body, and that…

Finding Mikasa and making sure that she’s safe might just be something that Levi can work towards accomplishing now with no regrets.


	3. Dusk

**Chapter 3:** **Dusk**

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**\--Two Years Later--**

Carla Jaeger hears strange voices coming from the kitchen. She walks past Eren and Mikasa’s room, where her son is trying to teach their daughter the rules to a card game. She can already hear how hopelessly confusing he’s making the rules sound.

Smiling, Carla walks down the stairs and around the corner into the kitchen, ready to greet whoever’s come to visit. The smile freezes on her face as she sees that there’s four strange men arranged around the room, blocking the exits so that Grisha can’t leave. Her husband looks desperate, angry, and afraid.

Her mouth opens - what she was going to say or do next, she never knows - and one of the men yanks her into an embrace, smothering her lips and nose with his hand. She shrieks, but the sound is muffled.

“Let her go!” Grisha cries out, but his voice is weak instead of firm, and none of the other men bother replying.

Instead, the man sitting down at her kitchen table says, “Hello, Mrs. Jaeger. I’ve been chatting with your husband, but he doesn’t seem to want to stop lying to me, so maybe you can help us instead.”

It’s not a question. Carla has no idea who these men are or what they’re after, but she’ll give them anything if they’ll leave her house and get away from her family. She tries to frantically nod her head in agreement, her movements stiff from the sheer pressure of the hand still covering her air passages. She can’t breathe.

Her mouth is released, but then that hand moves down to her neck and wraps around her throat instead, resting there heavily. The implied threat is clear.

“What-” she gasps out, trying to regain her breath, trying not to scream. She doesn’t want Eren and Mikasa to come down here. “What do you want?” she finally manages to ask. Please, she’ll give them anything. As long as they leave, she’ll-

“Well, there’s a young girl we’re looking for,” the man replies casually, while his eyes carefully watch Carla’s face. “She’s worth rather a lot, but the men I sent to collect her and her dear mother were killed a few years ago.” There’s a pause in the room, a terrible silence. “Know anything about that?” he asks.

There is a sudden jerk in Carla’s gut, like she’s just missed a step while walking downstairs. Mikasa. He wants her daughter. “No,” she says, straightening up as much as she can under the strong grip of the man behind her. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I just live here with my husband. Please leave us alone.”

Carla almost mentions her son, but she bites her tongue at the last second. It’s a useless gesture, though. She knows it is. They wouldn’t be here in her kitchen right now if they didn’t already know that Mikasa is here. Do they know about Eren, too? How can she warn them?

The man sighs at her response, and gives her a look of mock disappointment. “Now, see,” he drawls, “that’s exactly the same bullshit that your husband was saying before you walked in. Shame.” He stands up slowly, and then he pulls out a gun. Carla feels her body start to shake uncontrollably. She bites her lip and still refuses to say anything.

“I suppose,” he continues calmly, “that if I were to call for the children right now, no one would come down here?”

_Children_. He does know about Eren. Carla’s trembling gets worse.

Grisha charges at the man, and they both go crashing into the table. “Run!” he yells at her, but Carla’s already twisting around in the hold of the man behind her. She manages to wrench her neck free, and feels the burn from the friction as she turns and runs. She hears gunshots behind her, but Carla refuses to look back or slow down.

A hand grabs her hair before she gets more than partway up the stairs, yanking hard. Her head snaps back, and Carla lets out an involuntary cry at the pain, tears finally forming in the corners of her eyes. She won’t make it, then.

“Eren!” she screams. “Mikasa! Run! Both of you, run now! Get out of the house!” She’s being dragged back down the stairs by her hair, despite still fighting to move forward. Her shoulder slams into the corner of the doorway as she is thrown to the floor of her bright kitchen.

Another gunshot goes off. Carla flinches, but she doesn’t feel any pain. Scrambling to get up off of the floor in order to try and make another run for it, even while knowing that it’s futile, she tries to yell out again, but starts coughing up blood instead. Suddenly, she can’t breathe. Carla’s down on her hands and knees on the tile floor, coughing and wheezing, and she can’t see through the tears pouring from her eyes.

Run, she thinks desperately. Oh, please, both of you, run!

“Finally,” one of the other men says. “I thought she’d never quit.”

There’s a snort from the man who’s sitting calmly at her kitchen table again. “Had more guts than her husband,” he says. “Find anything?”

“No. There’s a room that’s obviously theirs, but the window’s open.”

Yes, she thinks, relieved. Yes, run. Thank god.

“Shit. Fucking bitch.” Her world flips around suddenly, and Carla finds herself staring up at her kitchen ceiling. Dimly, Carla realizes that there’s a sharp pain in her side, but it seems very distant. “You two, get out there and try to find them. I’m going to call in some more men.”

“Hey, she’s not dead yet, Boss. Mind if I-?”

“Whatever, I don’t care. This whole fucking day is ruined. Just hurry the hell up, and then get out there and help those two search for the kids. Especially the girl.”

There is a man looming over Carla suddenly, the one who grabbed her earlier. Her legs are being pulled apart, but all she feels is cold. He’s leaning over her, staring at her face. Her vision’s going fuzzy at the edges, but she can still see him moving forward and back above her, over and over. She wants to turn her head away, to find Grisha, but her body feels heavy and won’t move.

Her hearing’s fading, and she can’t make out what anyone is saying anymore. She can’t see. Help me, she thinks suddenly. Come back. Please, someone, help me…

Finally, Carla’s thoughts go dark.


	4. Frozen Over

**Chapter 4: Frozen Over**

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**\--Three Years Later--**

“Right there.”

The woman leaning over Eren Jaeger sighs in pleasure, letting her head fall back. Her naked breasts are bouncing up and down above him, and her thighs are pressed tightly against his hips as she rocks back and forth on his dick.

Eren doesn’t want to be there.

He wants to be in his room with Mikasa. He wants to make sure that she’s safe. But then, that’s why he’s here instead, watching this woman fuck herself on his dick, and trying hard not to choke on the bile that’s rising up in the back of his throat.

As if hearing Eren’s thoughts, the woman slowly lifts her head back up and looks down at him, a smirk playing across her lips. She strokes one of her hands down his chest, while the other one drifts to the back of his head. Her fingers tighten in his hair, and she pulls his head closer to her, until his neck is stretched out in an uncomfortable position.

“Play with my nipples,” she orders him. “No, _beg_ to play with them.”

“Can I please play with your nipples?” he asks, his voice flat and monotone.

She hums, and the fingers wrapped in his hair start playing with the strands. “Again,” she says.

“Let me play with your nipples, please,” he replies. It’s not even a question. Eren is just a doll following her commands.

The hand that was pulling his hair lets go, and now she caresses his cheek, her other hand still resting on his stomach. “I suppose so,” she sighs, like she’s the one doing him a favor. He leans up automatically, trying not to think about what he’s doing.

It’s so different when he’s with Mikasa. Even now, after several years of them being forced to stay in this place and make a living by having sex together in front of an audience, after years of them being owned by the woman who’s fucking herself on top of him right this minute, Eren’s sister still acts so innocent sometimes.

She still looks at him every day like he can somehow save her life all over again. He is saving her _,_ Eren reminds himself. His fists clench in the sheets while he listens to the woman who took them in moan and gasp. He remembers the first time that she ordered him into her bed.

“You and your sister are my new stars,” she’d laughed. “I need to make sure that you can perform well enough to satisfy my clients, don’t I?”

And when he’d tried to protest, she’d looked at him silently for a few moments, and then softly said, “We have other people I could set you up with, you know. Your sister, too. In fact, I could send her to a friend’s place, and then just keep you here, all for myself. How does that sound?”

And so, he’d stayed. And Mikasa has stayed with him, and Eren forces himself to believe that this is all that matters. Most days, it is.

Sometimes, Eren still wakes up from dreams of his mother screaming. He and Mikasa had been playing together in their room when they’d heard gunshots. Wide-eyed, they’d sat there frozen in place until they’d heard his mother scream, and then Eren had raced out of the room only to see his mother being dragged by her hair around the corner and into the kitchen, out of sight. There’d been another gunshot, but by that time, Mikasa had already been dragging Eren out of their bedroom window. They’d run straight into the house next door.

From there, they’d fled into the city and onto the streets. They’d survived somewhat for the first couple of months by stealing and begging, splitting whatever they could get between them equally at Mikasa’s insistence that they might somehow become separated and both needed to be prepared, just in case.

The weather had grown colder, though, and Eren had known that they didn’t have any other choice but to find somewhere more permanent to stay before they both froze to death. He’d heard some kids talking about a place where they took in good-looking children and fed them if they’d perform for perverts.

He’d been younger, then, but Eren hadn’t been stupid. It would have been impossible for him not to know what those older kids had meant, especially after living on the streets. Both he and Mikasa had already been approached, or harassed, or had to run away from someone, too many times. Still, what choice did they have, really? If they’d stopped struggling to survive, no matter what, they would have died.

So, they’d come here. At least they were still together. And they’d been given a room and food and clothes. Everything that they could both want, they received, even phones, laptops, a stereo system, and a TV.

In exchange, Eren and Mikasa now perform at least two one-hour sessions each day in front of some cameras, and follow the suggestions of ‘clients’ who log in online to watch them having sex with each other. Once or twice a week, they also perform in one of the ‘show rooms’ available in this place in front of a live audience.

At first, Eren had been embarrassed and uncomfortable, but those feelings had faded after a month or so. Now, fucking Mikasa is as easy as breathing, even fun sometimes, and he loves the way that she smiles at him comfortingly during those sessions, no matter what they’re doing. She still feels safe with Eren. He hasn’t messed _that_ up yet, at least.

This is why he can’t say no when this woman orders him to come to her room every other week, or so. Eren supposes he should be thankful that it doesn’t happen more often, but really, he just wants it to stop happening at all. She makes it all wrong. The way that she treats him, like he’s not allowed to have any control over his own body, that he can’t feel or think anything other than what she wants, sickens him.

When he’s with her, Eren as a person might as well not even exist.

At least Mikasa is safe, he reminds himself firmly. This is all worth it if he can keep her safe.

The woman above him is panting now, her breaths coming short and hard as she moves up and down on his dick in rapid thrusts. She grabs one of his hands and brings it to her sex, and Eren knows without being told to start rubbing her clit. He knows that she’ll come soon, but he still grits his teeth and waits impatiently for it all to be over. Why does this always have to take her so long?

Finally, she reaches an orgasm, and Eren sighs internally in relief. She sits there on top of him for another minute longer, and then pulls herself off, lying down on the bed. Eren ties off the condom, even though there’s nothing inside of it, and ignores his erection as he moves over to the edge of the bed, eager to leave. He’s already going soft.

“Eren,” she calls out, just as he’s standing up, and he freezes, uncertain. She’s never wanted to talk to him afterwards before. “You’re happy here, right?” she asks. “You and your pretty sister? You wouldn’t leave me.”

Eren closes his eyes and tries not to show just how nervous he is. Happy? Are he and Mikasa happy? He doesn’t think that he even remembers how to be happy anymore. “We’re both very happy here,” he answers flatly, saying anything in order to get away from her faster.

There’s silence behind him, and once more, Eren starts to leave. He opens the door and is walking out when he hears her utter a faint word. “Right,” she says.

Eren doesn’t know why, exactly, but a thought suddenly comes to him. They’re running out of time.


	5. Dreams of Spring

**Chapter 5: Dreams of Spring**

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Mikasa Ackerman is scared.

There are men trying to drag her and her mother away, and her parents are screaming. Her mother is telling her to run, but Mikasa can’t move. Her feet stay stuck in place because she’s scared. If she moves, she’ll be hurt.

Then Mikasa’s mother is standing in front of her, shielding her from the men and hitting them with her fists, and trying to bite the hands that are pulling at her.

There is a loud gunshot, and then her father is dead. He’s lying face-down on the floor, and there’s blood everywhere, and Mikasa doesn’t even know if her mother notices before they shoot her, too.

There are hands pulling Mikasa away and telling her to be quiet, but she isn’t speaking, anyway. She can’t say anything. The only thing that she can do is stare at her parents’ still bodies as she is dragged past them and out the front door.

Mikasa is limp in her captors’ arms. Vaguely, she notices that they’re forcing her up the hill and to the cabin, but she doesn’t know why. Two of the men are yelling at the one who killed her mother. They weren’t supposed to shoot her. She wasn’t supposed to die.

Mikasa feels so cold. The evening air is brisk, and her feet are bare. She doesn’t know why she’s noticing that right now, but it makes her feel uncomfortable. Finally, they reach the small building, and then the man who’s been dragging her throws Mikasa inside. Her elbow knocks hard against the wooden floor, and the pain sends little spikes up her entire arm.

All of the sudden, one of the men is leaning over Mikasa and grabbing the front of her shirt and slapping her across the face, warning her again not to make a sound. She doesn’t understand why he’s hurting her. Mikasa hasn’t done anything wrong.

Then, there are rough hands reaching under her skirt and grabbing her underwear, pulling them off. She blinks, but one of the other men is gripping her hands and yanking her arms up over her head, and the first one’s kneeling above her and pushing her legs wide apart, and then it _hurts_ , it really hurts now, and Mikasa wants to cry out, but she can’t. She’s so afraid of being hurt.

He’s hurting her, anyway. She doesn’t know what to do.

There’s a knock on the door.

#########

Mikasa wakes up to someone pounding on a door somewhere, and she looks around confused at first before her memory finally catches up with her. She is here, with Eren. She is safe.

She looks around for the source of the noise, but can tell now from how muffled it sounds that it’s not someone at the door to their room. Letting her head fall back down, Mikasa focuses on breathing and trying to forget her dream.

She looks over at Eren, who can sleep through anything, and then she smiles, just a little. His face looks peaceful, and his arm is flung out towards her, his fingers still curled from where they both fell asleep while holding hands.

Eren’s not okay, anymore. Mikasa knows that the problem isn’t what they’re doing to survive. While they were both unsure about sex between them at first, it’s become their daily routine rather easily. Mikasa likes having sex with Eren well enough. He’s always so worried about hurting her, and so he always touches her very gently.

No, something else is wrong now, and it has Mikasa worried. Eren’s been staring out of the windows at the world beyond them a lot over the past week or so, and seeing him like this has her uneasy, because she already understands what this new habit means.

Eren is thinking of leaving here.

She knows that he won’t leave without her. That’s not what’s worrying Mikasa. It’s just that she doesn’t know where they will go if they leave this place. They don’t have any money. She and Eren aren’t paid with money, but in food and housing and other amenities. It’s just one more way of tying them down and making sure that they can’t actually survive on their own.

Despite knowing this, Eren is thinking of leaving, anyway. This unsettles Mikasa, because she is used to their life now. It’s not perfect, but nothing’s been perfect for her since before her parents were killed.

Why now? That’s what she wants to ask him. What’s changed?

Maybe that’s what’s bothering her the most. Mikasa doesn’t know what’s changed recently, but Eren does, which means that whatever new dangerous thing he’s involved in, he’s not confiding in her. Eren is trying to shield her again, just like he always does, and she doesn’t know whether to love or hate her brother for it.

Sighing, Mikasa glances over at the clock and concedes that she might as well get up now, because she’s not getting more sleep before their first scheduled live cam show of the day. Instead, she goes and takes a shower, and tries to scrub off the last remaining phantom touches of rough hands gripping her skin harshly and forcing her legs open.

She doesn’t succeed. Only Eren can ever completely erase the sensations left over from her dreams. Still, Mikasa feels a little better, and a little cleaner, when she finally steps out from under the spray of water. She brushes her teeth in front of the sink while thinking resignedly about how, in a couple of minutes, she’ll have to wake Eren up so that they can start their day.

What’s different now? Mikasa stares at her face in the mirror, but nothing changes. What is it that Eren’s protecting her from now?

Her reflection holds no answers, and Mikasa eventually turns away, knowing that in the end she’ll always follow Eren, no matter what happens.


	6. Whispers on the Wind

**Chapter 6: Whispers on the Wind**

########

 “Did you hear?” someone asks.

One of the two women standing behind Petra Ral spoke the question loudly enough to probably be heard from the street opposite them and across three lanes of traffic. The woman abruptly lowers her voice after that, just enough that Petra can’t overhear the rest of the conversation. She has to consciously stop herself from turning around and looking behind her, and alerting the two women to her sudden interest.

Instead, Petra opens up her compact mirror, ostensibly to check her hair and makeup, but really to watch the two prostitutes. Using her compact to spy on someone is one of the oldest tricks in the book, but still always works. The same with getting a man to stop mid-step by bending over and pretending that she’s dropped something.

The two women behind Petra are huddled together, affecting cold shivers, even though the air is perfectly warm. Another tool of the trade, she knows. There’s something more open and vulnerable about the way that they’re cuddled together, and it makes them seem much more approachable. Petra, who would honestly prefer not to be approached at all, opts to stand somewhat apart from them. That, and she’s only been working in this area for a short time, so the other prostitutes in this section of the city are still suspicious of her.

Some are more jealous than suspicious, but Petra’s used to that reaction during her undercover cases. No matter what clothes she wears or what she paints all over her face, the bald truth is that Petra looks like someone who manages to eat decent meals on a regular basis. Still, at least no one has actively tried to run her off yet. Yet another reason for her passive approach.

“No!” the other woman exclaims after a minute, sounding genuinely shocked by whatever she’s just heard. Petra tilts her head to the side, becoming more attentive. There isn’t much that can shock someone who’s spent the last decade, or longer, walking the streets at night in order to feed her children, while sometimes going without food herself. And yet, Petra can tell that these two women aren’t simply pretending to be dramatic at the moment. Petra is well-trained to spot the real concern in the second woman’s wide eyes.

The first woman shakes her hair back, not in any calculated move to entice a customer, but impatiently. Both of them are completely fixated on whatever the latest piece of gossip is. “I swear,” she insists, speaking loudly enough again that Petra can overhear her. “Or, I heard it from Judy,” the woman continues, “and she swears this is true, and you know that she doesn’t make up shit.”

Her friend bites her lower lip. “But who’d she hear it from?” she asks. “Damn it, I don’t like those kinds of rumors.”

The first woman holds up her hands with her palms facing outwards, as if she’s passing the blame for the bad news onto someone not present. “Seriously,” she insists, “Judy says that she s _aw_ this herself. I don’t know why, and I don’t want to think about it too much. Apparently, they’re at that ‘shelter’ over on 4th and Markinson.”

There is a look of genuine disgust on both of their faces now. Petra almost stops paying attention, since their talk obviously doesn’t have anything to do with her current assignment, but she’s curious about the pointed tone that the woman used when talking about that shelter. She really hopes that doesn’t mean what she thinks it does.

A few minutes later, and Petra knows that her hopes were in vain. Like the two women talking, she can’t stop her face from crunching up in disgust just thinking about it. Apparently, the other day, their friend Judy was introduced to one of those perverts who enjoys pimping out people and forcing them to perform live cam sex acts. Even worse, the actors in these particular shows are all underaged kids.

Oh, the people who run the cams are very careful to only choose kids who are at least going through puberty. Those in charge can then argue that they were told everyone is over eighteen, if anyone ends up arrested and questioned, so how were they to know? Never mind that the cam actors are still obviously teenagers, some quite young.

Petra starts chewing her thumbnail absentmindedly in indecision. She really should stay where she’s been assigned. Her job is to find another member of her team a way into a local drug gang by cozying up to some of the lower members. She’s amazed at how often this tactic seems to work, even though she hates performing her role in these types of situations. She’s been lucky, and has managed to avoid an undercover job like this one for quite a number of years now. Ever since…

Petra sighs. Once again, she finds herself wondering about that last operation with Levi. He’d disappeared right after being told that his brother was murdered. She wonders sometimes where he is now, why exactly he left, and if he ever thinks about her.

Remembering Levi, Petra squares her shoulders, her decision made. Sure, she’s probably going to get into a lot of trouble for this with her captain, but oh well. Some things are more important than some stupid ruse that involves spreading her legs for some idiots who traffic drugs for a living.

For instance, the revelation of some supposed shelter nearby that houses underage children with nowhere else to go, and forces them into performing sexual acts in front of a camera. Some things are just too sickening to stomach the thought of, and, to Petra, children being used like that is one of them.

She’s only going to scope out the place, anyway. Maybe, if she’s lucky, Petra will be able to find some other clothes and pass herself off as a neighboring teen. If she can just talk to some of the kids and get them to tell her something, she’ll have enough evidence to inform her superiors and get a team assembled to shut the place down. Who knows, she might even find another source of the local drug problem there. It wouldn’t surprise her in the slightest.

Levi, Petra thinks, wherever you are, come back to us. Come back to me, when you find whatever it is that you’re searching for. In the meantime, I’ll do the right thing. Just like you would if you were here.

Petra walks away from the other women and slowly makes her way towards that shelter, knowing that whatever she finds there, this is the right decision for her to make.


	7. A Bitter Breeze

**Chapter 7: A Bitter Breeze**

########

Levi curses out loud. He looks around the two small rooms that make up his office, and wonders what in the hell to do with the information that he’s just found out.

When Levi left the police force five years ago, he didn’t know exactly what he was going to do next. His only goal then was to look for his niece, but he’d still known that he would need contacts and ways of finding out information in order to accomplish that task.

He still hasn’t found her yet, though. It’s like she completely disappeared after her parents were murdered and their cabin was set on fire. He thought at first that maybe she died back then, too, but the lack of any child-sized remains documented in the case report that Levi hacked into implies otherwise. No, Levi is certain that Mikasa is still alive out there somewhere. He just needs to _find_ her.

She’s the only blood relative that he has left, now that his younger brother is dead. Once again, Levi feels a familiar wave of self-loathing for not talking to his brother for three years before he was murdered. He can barely remember what their last fight had been about in the first place.

Well, no, that’s a lie. They’d been fighting about the family, of all the ironic things. His brother hadn’t approved of Levi going into the police force, to put it mildly. Levi still remembers his flushed face as his brother screamed at him.

“How can you even think about doing this?!” he’d yelled. “Damn it, those fuckers have hunted us down one by one, until we’re all that’s left! We’re all that’s left, Levi and now you’re just going to turn your fucking back on everything we’ve been through?!”

Levi can still hear the echo of his brother’s betrayed voice. It isn’t as though he didn’t understand his brother’s anger at the time, either. Levi hasn’t ever forgotten having to work shitty jobs during school just to afford a crap apartment that they could cram into together. Sometimes, he still has nightmares about the night that Uncle Kenny woke them both up and ordered them to flee before he was gunned down.

It isn’t that Levi has ever forgotten who he is and what his family used to be. It’s just-

He’d felt like he’d owed it to them, to Farlan and Isabelle, to work himself through the program and become a police officer.

Back then, Levi hadn’t wanted to defend his actions to his brother. Besides, it wasn’t like he’d been wrong. Levi had, in a sense, chosen something (or two someone’s) over his own family and their history.

So, he’d walked out of his brother’s house and never looked back, never even tried to call. His brother had stayed silent on his end too, had continued hiding, and had never tried to contact Levi again.

And now his brother is dead, and so is Aiko, who _had_ tried to call Levi several times over those years, only he’d always deleted her voicemails without listening to them, and now Mikasa is missing.

How old would she even be by now, anyway? Levi is completely startled to realize when he consults a calendar that the answer is fifteen. Fuck, really? He’s getting far too old for this shit.

He won’t stop now, though. Can’t. Levi has left behind his work as an officer, has basically given up on his promise to Farlan and Isabelle, in order to search for his niece. Just because it’s taking longer than he’d expected (too long, far too fucking long) doesn’t mean that he’s going to quit.

He’ll regret the decision forever if he actually stops looking, Levi knows without a second thought.

Still, even though he’s quit his job and started up his own small business as a private investigator, that doesn’t mean that Levi has forgotten completely about the officers that he used to work with at the precinct.

If his information is correct, then his old partner is in danger.

Fuck, why didn’t he look into this earlier in the week, when the information would do some actual good?

Because he’s tired. After years of looking and uncovering nothing new again and again, Levi is finally getting tired. He isn’t quitting, but he’s sick of searching through every little scrap of information and following every lead, and always, always finding nothing.

Wherever Mikasa is, Levi doesn’t know how to find her, and every day now, he tries to ignore the voice growing louder in the back of his head that says he’s never going to. That he’s going to fail at keeping her safe, is failing right now, has been failing for _years_ , just like he’s always failed everyone closest to him.

Fuck that.

Levi still remembers what Mikasa used to look like, his smiling, happy niece, with her tomboyish clothes and her hair in pigtails. He has a small school picture of her in his wallet. It had arrived in his mail one day years ago with no return address, but his name was written in Aiko’s familiar hand. She always was a better person than both he and his brother deserved.

So, no, Levi won’t forget Mikasa, and he sure as hell isn’t giving up on her, but looking at the information in front of him has Levi considering for the first time letting his search for his niece take the backseat for now as he focuses on other cases.

Like his previous partner getting into more shit than she can handle.

Petra Ral is a decent detective. Levi never minded working with her. She understood that Levi was going to do his own thing, and she let him, and backed him up when needed. And now she’s apparently nosing around some drug ring that has recently been informed that a cop is involved. Maybe they haven’t found out who the undercover officer is yet, but Levi knows that it’s only a matter of time before they discover who she is.

Petra can handle herself, true, but not if she’s completely unaware of the danger of them specifically looking for her. Levi has already filed an anonymous tip with her precinct, but he knows how slow some officers can be in sorting through that information, and Petra might not have that kind of time.

Cursing again, Levi stands up and leaves, locking his office for the night. He’ll have to drive awhile in order to reach where Petra is, but there’s no helping it. Levi can’t just leave her to be blindsided like this when he might be able to prevent her from getting hurt.

Levi only hopes that he arrives in time to save at least one person that he cares about.


	8. Walking on Burning Coals

**Chapter 8: Walking on Burning Coals**

########

“You can trust me,” she says to him.

Eren gave up on trust a long time ago, but her eyes are kind and sincere. He still probably would have never agreed to talk with this prostitute at all if-

Well, things have changed recently. He’s been surviving, and Mikasa is safe. That’s all that Eren cares about, protecting her, but he can’t even do that anymore. Eren doesn’t trust _himself_ any longer.

They need to leave. Eren has to get Mikasa away from here before things get any worse, before she gets pulled into his mess, too. He just can’t figure out how they’re going to survive on their own.

And then a woman dressed up as a ratty teenager slowly walks up to him.

He notices her getting closer, and debates just running away, but he’s curious about what she can possibly want with someone like him, and why she’s dressed like that. Her clothes don’t disguise in any way to Eren that she is much older, and not homeless, either.

Eren confronts her about that right away, and she looks surprised for a second, then sheepish. “It’s not really to trick you,” she says softly. He can also see that the way she talks and moves is all designed to put him at ease, and his eyes narrow at her in suspicion.

“What do you want?” he asks bluntly, not willing to play games with her. He is so sick of games.

She laughs a little. “You remind me of someone I know,” she explains, but then becomes serious again quickly. “Look,” she says, “I’m- I work with a few other women a couple of streets away, and they were talking the other day about this place.” She points to the building behind her, where Eren and Mikasa live, and Eren feels himself tense up on instinct.

Her hands rise up in the air to show that she means no harm, but Eren doesn’t relax. “I just want to know if what I heard is true,” she rushes on to say. “Look, I know some people, okay? I want to help you, and any other kids who live here.”

That isn’t what Eren expects her to say at all. He blinks, and almost wants to laugh himself. She wants to _help_ him? The idea is pretty ridiculous. Still, he finds himself hesitating, and actually considers telling her what she wants to know. By what she’s saying, he assumes that she knows someone in law enforcement, and Eren knows that, with how often prostitutes are arrested and harassed, many of them actually do have contacts within the police force.

Eren doesn’t know what to do.

“What’s your name?’ he asks without thinking, and then bites down on his lip while he waits for an answer. Anyone can promise anything anonymously, but Eren has learned that when people give out their real names, it means something. He watches her face closely for any deception.

She pauses, hesitates, but then her eyes meet his squarely as she answers. “I’m Petra Ral,” she says as she introduces herself, even holding out her hand for Eren to shake. 

He thinks of Mikasa, and his hands clench into tight fists, uncertain. He can’t just do _nothing_ any longer, though. Eren looks again into Petra’s warm, brown eyes, and makes a decision. He extends his hand to grasp hers firmly.

“Eren Jaeger,” he says. Then, taking a deep breath first, he starts talking.

########

He chose wrong.

Eren is very worried when all of the kids living in their building are herded out of their rooms one night and marched down into the cellar. He grips Mikasa’s hand tightly the whole time that they’re walking down the stairs. What’s going on? Has someone found out that Eren spoke to that woman? He’s so scared.

And then some men who Eren has never seen before drag Petra’s beaten body into view.

Her clothes are torn, and one of her eyes is already swollen shut and haloed in a deep purple bruise. Her split lip is slowly trickling blood, and she looks to be only half-conscious.

The woman in charge of the building walks calmly into view. “A business associate of mine,” she says into the loud silence, “helpfully informed me that one of my kids was talking to an undercover cop.”

More silence. No one moves or says a word. Mikasa’s hand is gripping Eren’s so hard that his knuckles are screaming under the strain.

Eren feels all of the breath in his body leave abruptly. That woman is a cop? He can hardly believe it. She looks so small and defenseless, especially now. Suddenly, he knows why they’ve all been pulled out of their beds and forced to come down here, and Eren doesn’t know whether to scream or cry or just run away.

He is such a fucking idiot. He’s failed to save himself and Mikasa, and now he’s basically forcing her to witness what’s going to happen next. Eren wants to look over at her face, to reassure her that everything is going to be okay, but he finds that he can’t move his eyes from Petra’s body. He feels dizzy and sick. She was so nice to him.

“Whoever spoke with her can stop this at any time,” the woman continues, her voice still carefully even and controlled. Eren tries to ignore the terror crawling up his spine at the barely-restrained anger that he can hear underneath her placid tone. “She won’t tell us who she was talking to, but maybe that fucking dumbass will want to speak up now and save her some more pain? We’ll kill her quickly if you fess up.”

Some of the younger kids who haven’t yet grasped what’s going to happen begin to cry at that announcement. Eren closes his eyes, but then forces himself to open them again and make himself watch.

He can’t speak up, but he can at least have the guts to witness what the officer goes through to keep Eren safe.

As the beatings start back up, and Petra cries out in pain, Eren almost says something. His body shakes with the urge to yell out that he’s the one, to do anything to stop them from hurting her more, but the hand clasped tightly in his own holds him back. Eren can’t do that to Mikasa. He can’t leave her alone, can’t get both of them into trouble like that. For Eren, no matter what, his sister comes first. She has to.

I’m sorry, he thinks miserably, furiously. I’m so sorry, but I can’t save you. I can only save Mikasa.

So Eren bites his tongue and holds back his voice, and he watches with the others as the men bring out some knives and start carving the officer’s skin off. He watches as she jerks uncontrollably in their arms from the agony, listens as her screams and shrieks echo in the basement, and mingle with the crying of the surrounding children forced to stand there and observe.

Eren doesn’t cry, and he knows without looking that Mikasa isn’t crying, either. They stand there side by side and pressed tightly together, and watch with dry eyes as some of the men torturing the officer begin to take turns raping her while they laugh and toss jokes back and forth.

Mikasa’s fingernails cut into the back of Eren’s hand and make him bleed. He relishes the pain. He _should_ be hurting, too.

Finally, the woman in charge seems to grow bored of the scene in front of her, and she slits the officer’s throat, the last of her blood gushing out everywhere and staining the floor.

The sudden quiet after all of the previous chaos is deafening.

“Alright,” she says coldly, “show’s over. Get the fuck out of here.”

They have to escape. Somehow, Eren and Mikasa have to flee from this place.


	9. A Faint Wisp of Light

**Chapter 9: A Faint Wisp of Light**

########

Mikasa doesn’t sleep much anymore.

How can she, when Eren lies beside her moaning and thrashing, sometimes even kicking or punching the bed in anger? He yells incoherently in his sleep, while tears run down his face. She doesn’t know how to make him stop sweating in terror every night.

Mikasa wonders if this change is because of that policewoman who they were forced to watch be tortured and murdered a few days ago, even though Eren’s new problems started before then. She wants to know if it was Eren who spoke to that woman, if he was trying to get them out and almost managed it. Mikasa remembers how pale his face was when that woman was dragged into the cellar room, already beaten and bloody, and Mikasa wants to know if Eren smiled at her, laughed with her, knew her name.

She doesn’t ask. Instead, Mikasa spends most of her nights getting some towels to soak up the moisture pouring off of Eren’s body. She hugs him close when he starts to shake, and runs her fingers through his hair. It doesn’t help, but she doesn’t know what else to do. It’s not like they have anyone that she can talk to about this. There’s no one here that she trusts except Eren.

########

Early one morning, Mikasa wakes up tired, like usual. Immediately, though, she knows that something is very wrong. Eren is not in bed with her, which is alarming enough, but then she realizes that he’s not in their shared room at all. Her heart thuds with fear, and she’s frozen in place again, just like she was all of those years ago. She’s scared, and she can’t move. Something is happening, right now, and somehow, she knows that it involves Eren.

Still, Mikasa sits there in their bed, unmoving, until she hears the screams.

Then she is leaping up out of her bed and racing down the hall towards the stairs. She runs up them, trips and practically crawls up the last few steps, and then runs down the hallway and into the large room at the end.

Somehow, Mikasa already knows what she’s going to find, but it’s still a shock to see the chaos in front of her eyes.

Eren is kneeling above the woman who took them in. They’re both naked, and some part of Mikasa hurts at that, but the rest of her is too busy processing all of the damage around the room. There are books and clothes everywhere. The bed is cockeyed, and the curtains have been torn down. It looks like a demon has ravaged the room and everything in it.

Then Mikasa forces herself to look more closely at the two occupants on the bed. Eren is straddling the woman, and he’s choking her. Her lips are turning blue and her eyes are rolling in her head, and her fingernails have left scratches down Eren’s face and chest, and all over his arms. Mikasa is almost afraid to approach them. Almost.

Instead, she walks calmly up to the still-struggling pair and completely ignores the woman. She can guess some of what’s been happening between them (How long has this been going on? Why didn’t Eren _tell_ her?), but that’s not important right now. Slowly, Mikasa reaches over with one hand and gently cups the side of Eren’s face. “You’re crying,” she tells him.

He doesn’t move or blink, except to tighten his grip around the woman’s throat. She’s gasping for air now.

Mikasa strokes her fingers softly along Eren’s cheek, and then moves her hand down to his shoulder and presses firmly there, trying to give him different sensations to focus on than whatever’s going on in his head right now. “Eren?” she calls out. His eyes are empty. She wonders if he’s even conscious.

Just as Mikasa is considering prying his hands loose forcefully, someone behind her says, “Don’t.”

She turns her head to see a man standing in the doorway. He has a gun in one hand, though it’s pointed at the floor away from everyone, and he’s staring calmly at the scene in front of him. She’s about to ask him what he means when a distant memory surfaces in her mind. She knows that face. “Uncle Levi?” she asks, stunned.

The man squints at her, blinks, and then rubs his free hand over his face. “Shit,” he mutters. He seems to sway slightly before he looks at her even harder, nods his head, and then puts the gun away in a holster at the small of his back.

Mikasa wants to ask him a thousand questions. What is he doing here? How did he find her? But she doesn’t have the time at the moment. She turns around again to focus on Eren. “Why not?” she asks her uncle, referring to what he said earlier.

“He’s having a night terror,” Uncle Levi replies simply, immediately catching her meaning. “People torn from them by force can react violently and lash out before they wake up.”

She nods. This makes sense. She wonders if that’s what happened to the rest of the room. “How do we get him to let go of her, then?” she asks.

Uncle Levi pauses, and then looks at her evenly. “Do you want him to?” he asks in return.

Mikasa hesitates at his question. Does she? It has to be as obvious to her uncle as it is to her what was going on in this room before they arrived, and has probably been going on for quite some time. Why didn’t Eren _tell_ her? Even as she asks herself that, though, Mikasa already knows the answer.

Faintly, she nods her head. “I don’t want Eren to murder someone when he’s not even aware of what he’s doing,” she decides. “He doesn’t want to execute her right now.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Uncle Levi agrees, raising an eyebrow at her choice of words. Mikasa realizes that he too can see the tears on Eren’s face, just as well as she can, and that her uncle knows what they mean, but that he still let Mikasa come to a decision on her own. She thinks that maybe he wouldn’t have stepped in even if she’d said no.

Her uncle walks over to the light switch and starts flicking the light off, then on, and then off again. Slowly, at first, and then more rapidly. Mikasa watches him as much as she’s able to, fascinated by this plan.

The light is off when Eren wakes up, but she stills reaches out to him in the dark when she hears his confusion. “It’s okay,” she soothes.

“…Mikasa?” Eren asks. His voice is scratchy and hoarse. From sleeping or screaming, Mikasa doesn’t know which. Maybe both.

“It’s fine,” she murmurs, sitting down beside him on the bed when the light finally turns back on and stays that way. “You need to let go of her,” she adds, gesturing to the woman who Eren’s still choking, even though she’s unconscious now.

Eren looks down, finally notices what he’s doing, and he jerks away from the woman like her touch burns his skin. “I- What am I…?” he asks faintly.

“You were asleep,” she tells him firmly, and then slowly pulls him sideways until Eren’s head is resting on her shoulder. “It was just a bad dream.” She starts stroking her hand through his hair now.

There’s a few seconds of silence before Eren starts crying in earnest, shaking both of them with the force of his sobs. “I’m sorry!” he chokes out. “I’m so sorry!”

“Hush,” she commands, and his words obediently trail off, though he’s still crying uncontrollably. “She’s fine.” Mikasa doesn’t actually know if this is true or not, and she doesn’t particularly care. The woman’s breathing shallowly, although she’s still unconscious. Good enough for Mikasa.

“No,” Eren mutters, fighting down his sobs long enough to clarify. “No, not her. I could have hurt _you_! I didn’t know what I was doing, and I could have hurt you, Mikasa!”

She smiles, although Eren’s face is still pressed against her shoulder and he can’t see her. “Don’t be silly, Eren,” she scolds lightly. “I’m your sister. You’d never hurt me.”

She rocks him back and forth gently, letting him finish crying. Uncle Levi is silent behind them, a presence that she can ignore until Eren is feeling better.

Finally, after a long time, his crying stops completely. “We have to get out of here,” Eren says, his voice a mere whisper against her skin. “We have to leave now, and I don’t know where we can _go._ ”

“It’s okay,” she says again, hugging him even closer to her. Mikasa turns her head to the side and looks her uncle straight in the eyes, silently daring him to refuse her plan. “I do.”

Uncle Levi gives her a flat look in response, and then sighs and looks around with disgust at the mess of a room they’re all in. “Shit,” he says once more, clearly agreeing with Mikasa, and that’s enough for her right now.

 


	10. The Crackling of Dry Leaves

**Chapter 10: The Crackling of Dry Leaves**

########

Levi appears at the courthouse with only one thought on his mind. He can’t fuck this up.

His life the last six months has been hell. Funny enough, he’d thought for a couple of minutes after he found his niece that everything was finally going to be settled. Then, he found out that she had somehow acquired a brother over the years, and everything got complicated once again.

If this is the last time that Levi ever has to set foot inside of a courtroom, he might just fall down on his knees and kiss the floor in thanks.

Well, no, he won’t, because the floor is filthy and disgusting and full of germs, but he will be really fucking thankful. He can’t believe how much effort it takes to obtain legal guardianship of two annoying teenage brats, though Levi knows that the problem the court has isn’t really with him taking in Mikasa. It’s about Eren.

The brat who has no blood relationship to Levi, but whose family apparently took his niece in, sheltered her, even _died_ for her. The brat who has kept her alive all these years, by whatever means necessary. No, Eren might not be related to Levi by blood, but that doesn’t make him any less family in his eyes. When Mikasa and Eren packed up their few belongings, mostly clothes, and both came home with him, Levi didn’t regret his decision for one second.

He still doesn’t. Even after all of the court hearings struggling to establish custody, and most importantly, after the mess that erupted when the court started officially going over what Eren and Mikasa have been doing for the past several years, Levi doesn’t regret agreeing to take them both in.

All these _rules,_ though. They’re going to drive Levi insane. It’s lucky for him that he established his own practice after quitting the police force, instead of going off the grid like he’d been tempted to do. The courts and the fucking judge assigned to their case probably wouldn’t have approved of that in the slightest.

As it is, Levi has been through more changes in his life during these past few months than he would have ever thought possible. First, he had to move. His previous apartment was only a one bedroom, and there just wasn’t enough space for two people, let alone three. So, he moved. And he hired a fucking lawyer, and showed up to every hearing and passed all of their little tests. He let someone come into their home for a surprise inspection, which none of them were happy about, though Levi apparently impressed the social worker with how clean he kept his place - whatever.

He’s set up court-mandated therapy sessions for all of them. This has probably been the worst part of the whole ordeal. Levi’s therapist doesn’t ask him to spill all of his life’s secrets or anything, but he does want to talk about why Levi is taking in two teenagers, if he’s really thought everything through all the way, if he’s adequately prepared to handle any future incidents…

It’s all so fucking tedious. Levi has already agreed to take them in, and so, he will. This is how he works. If problems come up, then he will deal with them. His therapist isn’t sure that Levi has fully accepted the reality of his situation if he isn’t planning ahead. Which is bullshit.

His therapy sessions aren’t anywhere near as bad as Eren’s, though. Mikasa and Eren had wanted to attend theirs together, but the court had ruled that they needed to try separate ones for a while, to try and learn how to become less codependent on each other. Levi could have told the judge that he’s only wasting their time.

Eren always ends up yelling or throwing things. The therapist is giving him some leniency, and is at least taking into account the brat’s detoxing, and how his mood swings are usually caused by withdrawal from the drugs that he was forced to take. Still, anything that’s said during those sessions to Eren about the woman who Levi found him strangling is still guaranteed to make him upset, and likely violent.

Mikasa refuses to speak during her sessions at all. Levi thinks that this is a brilliant way of going about things, and is often tempted to use the same method himself, but until his ‘temporary’ custody order turns into a more permanent one, he has to at least pretend to cooperate. It’s galling.

Also, thanks to the details of the kids’ previous living situation coming to light, the courts have argued during no less than three different hearings about whether or not to let Mikasa and Eren remain in the same home. They were all for separating the two teenagers and letting Levi adopt Mikasa while putting Eren into foster care somewhere else.

So, Levi had to file a completely separate petition to become Eren’s guardian, too. The legal red tape is such a fucking hassle.

Especially since the last few months have largely been spent with all three of them just trying to get used to each other. Well, Levi getting used to the brats, and them to him. His therapist has asked about that, too, wanting to know of every little adjustment that they’re all making for each other, and about any progress or unusual incidents at all. Levi brushes him off most of the time, sometimes tells him something insignificant, but really, there are just too many differences in his daily life now to count.

Even setting aside him having to deal with Eren’s night terrors and detoxing from his forced drug habit, Levi just hadn’t been prepared to live with teenagers. He hadn’t been used to needing to cook so much food (and he can’t cook at all, really), or his sudden lack of personal space unless he locks the door to his bedroom, which he hates to do because he doesn’t want either of the brats to feel like he’s unavailable if they need him.

Hell, the first time that he opened up the bathroom cabinet to put away the toilet paper he just bought, and instead found a box of tampons sitting there, Levi wanted to bash his head against the wall.

The point is, though, that Levi is _trying._ So are the brats. They’re all attempting to adjust and cope, and they don’t need all of this fucking court shit to deal with at the same time. They don’t need to be forced to see a therapist, or to appear in court so much, or to be constantly threatened with being taken away from each other. Levi isn’t even going to get into how much of a damn circus the media has been ever since their story broke out, though thankfully not _all_ of the details have been made public, thanks to Mikasa and Eren’s ages.

What the three of them really need is some damn time and space, so of course those are the last things being offered to them right now. Even as Levi is standing outside of the courtroom, for hopefully the last fucking time, getting ready to hear the judge’s final verdict on his permanent guardianship of Mikasa and Eren, he has to ignore the stares from the media waiting to pounce on him afterwards. He hopes that the judge doesn’t have too many last-minute questions, like his lawyer has warned him might happen. He hopes that their therapist didn’t recommend them all for a psych ward somewhere. Mostly, he just hopes that this whole fucking mess will be over with after today, and that they can all stop worrying so damn much about it.

No, Levi absolutely cannot fuck this up.


	11. Dawn's Light

**Chapter 11: Dawn’s Light**

########

Eren hates falling asleep.

Every night now holds the same fear of him hurting someone that he cares about, without even being aware of his actions until it’s too late. In his nightmares, sometimes Eren is choking someone again, only it will be Mikasa instead, and she won’t be breathing anymore. Her lifeless eyes stare up at him accusingly.

Eren will wake up, flailing and gasping for breath, and she’ll be there beside him, already awake and holding him through his shaking. Part of Eren wants to push her away because of the nearly overwhelming fear that he will hurt her somehow, but the rest of him clings to her warmth, to the way that she soothes him back to sleep.

Still, Eren hates that he feels so weak, that he needs the comfort, even though he knows that Mikasa doesn’t mind.

At least he’s finally through the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. The nights and days of cold sweats and delusions seemed endless. He would have given anything then for another pill to be placed gently on the tip of his tongue, as that woman had always done. Eren doesn’t even know what they were. They tested him at the hospital, of course, but didn’t tell him the results due to him being a minor. Maybe they thought that the details would be too traumatic.

Eren snorts at that thought.

Mikasa’s uncle, who insists on just being called Levi, offered to share the results with him, but Eren doesn’t want the temptation of knowing. If he knows exactly what drug gives him that particular high, then he isn’t so sure that he won’t try to find a seller on the streets somewhere. Even now, he craves them.

Especially when he wakes up from nightmares, like tonight. Eren jolts awake, and looks quickly over at Mikasa’s sleeping face. Good, he didn’t wake her up this time. He lies there and watches her soft breathing, trying to reassure himself that everything is fine.

And it is fine, more than his life has been in almost four years now. It’s taken months of their combined efforts for the three of them to get this far, too. Eren doesn’t know why Levi has willingly gone through so much effort in order to save them both, but he finally recently obtained legal guardianship of both Mikasa and Eren.

He doesn’t think that he can ever repay Levi for not splitting them up like the court recommended. Eren doesn’t even know what he would do without Mikasa, how he would survive.

A familiar feeling clenches in his gut. Fear. Even though Levi has put so much effort into gaining custody of both of them, Eren knows that he only did that because that’s what Mikasa wants. Levi has no reason to want to keep Eren around, except for her.

And why should he want to? Eren has been nothing but trouble and hospital bills and endless headaches so far. Not to mention the therapy sessions, which can’t be cheap. Some days, Eren still backslides into how he acted at the beginning, and he’s just so _angry_ at everything, and during these times, he yells at everyone, including Mikasa.

Eren feels miserable just thinking about that now. He doesn’t know what to do in order to make Levi keep Eren around, no matter how awful he’s acting. Honestly, Eren’s surprised that he hasn’t just been kicked out yet.

Then, he pauses. Eren lies there for another minute more, thinking, asking himself if he really wants to do this again, but then he looks over at Mikasa’s face that’s so close to his own, and he knows that his answer is a resounding yes. No matter what, Eren doesn’t want to lose her – _can’t._

Quietly, Eren slides out of bed, spares a glance at the empty one across the room that’s never used, and then he walks softly to the door. He cracks it open and peers into the hallway. The apartment is still and silent. Slowly, Eren shuts the door again behind him, and then he walks down the hallway and opens Levi’s door. He waits, but there’s no movement from within, and Eren enters the room. He stands there for a long minute, bracing himself for what he’s about to do, and then he peels off his sleeping pants and walks over to the bed, crawling under the covers.

Or, he tries to. Suddenly, the world is spinning, and then Eren finds himself lying flat on his back and staring up at Levi’s still-sleepy face. He feels something poking sharply at his throat, and realizes that it’s a knife.

Eren watches as Levi blinks once, then twice, and then rolls his eyes and lets out a deep sigh. The knife disappears from against Eren’s neck, and the weight that was pinning him down eases up as Levi lets go of him. Eren starts breathing again.

“Fuck,” Levi mutters. They both calm down for a minute, and then the man suddenly seems to register that Eren’s naked in his bed. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asks sharply.

Eren’s hands ball up into fists, and he jerks his head upright and glares into Levi’s eyes. “What do you think I’m doing?” he asks sarcastically. “I’m giving you what you want so that you won’t take Mikasa away and kick me out.”

Levi snorts beside him in derision, and Eren suddenly feels uncertain. “And what the hell makes you think I’d want a shitty brat like you in my bed, anyway?” Levi asks. He rubs at his face. “Fuck, what time is it?”

Eren doesn’t know what time it is, but he feels wide awake, and all of the sudden, what he was trying to do hits him full-force. He’s such an idiot. “I-” he starts to say, but Levi interrupts him.

“Go back to your own bed, Eren. Damn it.” He no longer sounds angry, just very, very tired. Eren feels like such a fucking dumbass. He’s just fucked everything up. Still, he doesn’t move.

There’s silence in the room for a bit, and then Eren hears Levi sigh again. “Look, if you want to start pulling more weight around here and being useful, I’m not going to complain,” he says eventually. “Start with cleaning the kitchen, or something. Or, hell, start cooking. That’d help everyone out.”

Eren blinks slowly. The thought of helping out around the apartment never even occurred to him. He can do that, though, he thinks, suddenly determined. He can definitely help out like that.

“Good,” Levi continues, as though he’s just heard Eren’s thoughts. “Now that we’ve got that settled, get the hell out of my bed and let me go back to sleep.”

Eren swallows, his throat dry. “Thanks,” he manages, a powerful wave of relief coming over him suddenly. He doesn’t have to do this. A weight that he didn’t even realize was bothering him is abruptly gone. Eren doesn’t have to have sex with Levi. The man is going to let him stay anyway. Eren can find some other way to be useful.

“Whatever,” Levi mutters. “I’m going back to sleep now.”

Eren feels himself smiling, just a little bit. It’s the first time that he can remember feeling really relaxed in a long time. He gets out of Levi’s bed and finds his pants on the floor, and then slips them back on.

“Goodnight,” Eren calls out to Levi, leaving the man’s room. He pauses in the doorway. “And sorry,” he adds sheepishly.

Just before he closes the door, Eren’s sure that he hears a faint, “Goddamn brat,” from within the room.

Grinning fully now, Eren walks back to his and Mikasa’s room, looking forward to tomorrow.


	12. Hurricane

**Chapter 12: Hurricane**

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Mikasa stares at her stomach in the bathroom mirror. It doesn’t look any different than normal. Still, she knows. She knows that it is. That everything’s different now.

She can’t do this.

She has to.

This was never a problem where they used to live. One of the few things that Mikasa and Eren were always able to depend on then was regular birth control being supplied to them. But things are supposed to be different now. The two of them aren’t supposed to be having sex together anymore, aren’t supposed to even want that. But, sometimes, Mikasa does. Sometimes, all she wants is Eren inside of her again, and touching her so gently, both of them content and caught up in the moment.

So, this is all her fault. Eren would never push her if she ever said no, would just accept that things between them have once again changed. It’s Mikasa who doesn’t want to lose this. Because of her, they’ve continued to have sex, though not as frequently, and they’ve kept it a secret from everyone else because they know that no one else will understand.

They’ve especially kept it a secret from her uncle, not wanting him to find out and separate them, to think that maybe those court officials were right, and that Mikasa and Eren shouldn’t be allowed to live together, after all. Mikasa needs Eren. She’ll just run away to wherever he ends up, anyway, if he’s ever taken from her.

So, this has to stay a secret, her and Eren. No one can ever find out. If anyone does, despite her best efforts, Mikasa might never see Eren again, and that isn’t permissible.

She can’t be pregnant. Not now. Maybe not ever. Mikasa can’t do this to Eren, who is just getting himself put back together again. He’s been so lively recently, joking and laughing, and she’s been so happy to see Eren acting like he did during those brief years when she lived together with him, Carla, and Grisha. Mikasa can’t heap one more responsibility on Eren’s shoulders, when he’s already trying so hard.

She can’t deal with this, either.

Mikasa looks into the mirror again and stares hard, and wonders, wonders… But in the end, there’s really only one thing that she can do.

Eyes calm, even though her hand is shaking, Mikasa raises the filleting knife that she took from the kitchen earlier, checks again that the door to the bathroom is locked, and then she stuffs a washcloth in her mouth so that she won’t be overheard if she screams. On the edge of the bathroom sink is rubbing alcohol and a sewing kit, and the strongest painkillers that they own. She can do this. She has to.

With this thought in mind, the knife steadies, and Mikasa begins to cut.

########

When she wakes up later, everything hurts. Dimly, Mikasa can hear a frantic banging. Eventually, she realizes that there’s someone outside of the bathroom door trying to get in. She looks around, confused. Somehow, Mikasa has ended up lying on the floor, and there’s blood everywhere. Then she looks down at herself, and notices that it’s coming from her.

She passed out earlier before she could sew herself back up.

Suddenly, the banging gets more intense, and Mikasa can hear Eren screaming out her name from the other side of the door. She winces, but manages to pull herself up into a sitting position, biting her lips raw so that she doesn’t cry out from the pain. She can’t stop the tears, though.

It hurt. It hurts. Make it stop. Someone, help. Eren, Mom, help, it hurts.

She doesn’t let any noise escape from her mouth, though. Instead, Mikasa stretches up one shaking hand towards the sink, where she can just see the sewing kit resting from her position. If she can just stay conscious long enough to sew herself back together… If she can just-

Her hand can’t reach up any farther than halfway to the sink. Mikasa stares at the limb, willing it to move higher, but instead, her arm curls back down and wraps protectively around her lower stomach. Her hand tries to put pressure on the cut, but it’s too deep and too much, and finally, Mikasa can’t stop herself from letting out a choked sob.

The pounding on the door grows louder. Someone is kicking it repeatedly.

No, Mikasa thinks desperately. No, damn it, they can’t come in here. Eren will see. He’ll know.

Desperation drives her to scoot back against the wall, and she tries to use this new leverage to stand back up. Maybe the kit will be easier for Mikasa to reach if she walks. Her legs can’t have failed her now, too.

She gets partway up into a crouch before her vision goes dark and she falls back onto the floor. She can’t do it. She can’t reach.

Mikasa curls up into a ball, and it hurts so much, and she can’t protect Eren, after all. It’s this thought that finally makes her start crying uncontrollably.

(It’s not the thought of what she’s just given up. Mikasa can’t let herself think about that.)

The door suddenly slams inward with a deafening bang. Mikasa wants to flinch at the noise, but she can’t force her body to uncurl itself. Everything hurts.

The screaming gets louder, more hysterical, but there is a lower voice speaking clearly and forcefully, and then towels are being pressed against her stomach. Mikasa can’t help but cry out again at the sharper flash of pain.

Then she is being picked up and carried out of the bathroom. The world is spinning, and everything’s too heavy for her to bear anymore.

I’m sorry, Mikasa thinks, right before she passes out again. In Levi’s arms, this time. Eren, I’m so sorry.


	13. The Dust is Dry

**Chapter 13: The Dust is Dry**

########

Levi is scrubbing at his bathroom floor. He would make Eren do it, but the brat is currently in his room after being given some sedatives, and Mikasa…

She’s in the hospital, recovering. At least she’s finally out of the ICU. For hours, the whole night, Levi sat in the waiting room, wondering when he was going to be told by some shitty doctor that his niece was dead. There was so much blood…

Now, Levi clenches his hands around the rag that he’s using. He’s been cleaning for a good half an hour, but there’s still dried, sticky, brown blood everywhere. Mikasa’s blood.

He sits back on his heels for a minute to rest, and surveys his perfectly ordinary bathroom, where a teenage girl gave herself an abortion and nearly bled out because she didn’t feel like she could trust him.

Levi grits his teeth against the image that he can still picture clearly in his mind of Mikasa curled up and sobbing on the floor. Damn it, she should have come to him. She should have felt like she could tell him when she found out that she was pregnant.

This is all Levi’s fault. He’s been perfectly aware of the fact that Eren and Mikasa are still having sex. He just thought that it would be better for all of them if he ignored it and let them continue to believe that he didn’t know. While Levi personally doesn’t care what they’re doing with each other, he knows that anyone else would, and would expect him to as well.

It just never occurred to him that they didn’t have any form of birth control anymore. And it fucking should have.

As he’s crouching there on his bathroom floor, looking around at the areas that still need to be cleaned, Levi hears a noise from elsewhere in the apartment and sighs. It looks like Eren’s sedatives that they gave him at the hospital have finally worn off. The boy held on remarkably well when they first found Mikasa, but when they were waiting for hours, only to be told that she had slipped into a coma from blood loss and shock, Eren had finally snapped. Levi could hardly blame him.

He should go and tell Eren that she’s fine now. Well, comparatively. Mikasa is no longer in a coma, but simply unconscious, and her blood pressure is back up after two transfusions. She’ll pull through, Levi has no doubt. The hard part for Mikasa now is going to be living with what she did to herself. Even setting aside the abortion, she did such extensive damage to her uterus that the doctor says she’ll never be capable of bearing children again.

But, for right now, Levi has another brat to deal with. He slowly stands up, working out the kinks in his back and stretching out his knees, listening to them pop. He’s getting too old for this shit, he thinks tiredly. He moves to the sink and washes his hands, and then walks down the hallway. Levi looks in on Eren, sees the boy lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, and then moves past the room, intending on heating up something and forcing them both to eat.

He pauses. Levi will never be able to say why later, but something about the way that Eren is lying there so still seems off to him. He backtracks a few steps, and peers at the brat more carefully.

And that’s when Levi notices the empty pill bottle on the dresser.

Cursing, he runs over to Eren. The boy’s eyes are open, yes, but not tracking, and his breathing is much too shallow for someone who was so recently sedated. Angry now, Levi hoists Eren up, grabbing him under his arms, and drags him as fast as he can to the bathroom.

Once he’s on the tiles, it isn’t as difficult to move Eren around, and Levi sits him up next to the toilet and jams two of his fingers deep into the back of the boy’s throat.

The first cough is weak, and Levi forcefully holds the back of Eren’s head still with his free hand so that the teen can’t wriggle away. The second cough brings up some bile, and Levi pounds him on the back harshly.

“Come on,” he says, angry and scared. “You fucking idiotic brat, throw them back up. Where the fuck did you even get those pills, anyway?”

A couple more seconds later, and Eren is finally actively throwing up, great heaves that shake his whole body and have to hurt like hell, and are probably tearing his throat to shreds. They’ll have to go back to the hospital now, instead of waiting for visiting hours later, but Levi doesn’t give a crap right then. To his slight relief, a lot of what Eren throws up is almost solid pills, just their outer coatings gone. He must have only just swallowed them.

“You fucking idiot,” Levi says harshly, when it seems like Eren isn’t going to die from an overdose or need his stomach pumped this morning. He still needs to be examined for his throat, though. “You _fucking idiot_ ,” he repeats. “What the hell did you think you were doing, Eren? How is this going to solve anything? How is this going to help your sister?”

His voice gets progressively louder, until it echoes off of the bathroom walls, and then Levi forces himself to stop shouting. He makes himself take a deep breath, and then let it back out again slowly. He isn’t even furious at Eren so much as at himself. Can he do nothing right with these two?

“Mikasa…” Eren mutters. Levi realizes that the brat is crying, and he sighs loudly. Now, he understands.

“She’s fine,” he offers into the silence. Eren’s head jerks up, his eyes bloodshot and snot trailing from his nose. He looks absolutely disgusting, and he just threw up in one of the few parts of Levi’s bathroom that wasn’t filthy before now.

“What?” Eren croaks at him. Absolutely pathetic. “She’s-”

“-Fine,” Levi repeats. “She’s no longer in a coma, just sleeping. We can go see her later.” He pauses. “We could probably wait until then to get you checked out while we’re already there.”

Eren shakes his head frantically. “No,” he pleads. “Please. I’ll be put in observation or something, and then I won’t get to see-”

“Maybe you should be in observation,” Levi retorts sharply. Eren closes his mouth and looks down, defeated.

Levi sits there for another minute, thinking, and then he gives in. “If you have any symptoms of overdosing in the next few days, or if your throat is fucked and your breathing is affected, I’m admitting you to the hospital whether you want me to or not,” he says flatly, his tone conveying that this isn’t up for debate.

Eren nods, still leaning against the toilet. “I don’t think I can do this,” he says, so softly. “This living thing.”

I don’t think I can, either, Levi thinks in agreement. He is so very tired.


	14. Mercurial Seasons

**Chapter 14: Mercurial Seasons**

########

School. The new fall term has just started, and Levi asks Eren and Mikasa if they want to attend, or just study and get their GEDs later. After some talking, both of them have decided to give school a try. Maybe they can make some new friends. At the very least, they’ll be out of the house for a long time during the day, which Levi says that he considers a big bonus.

Neither of them has set foot inside of a school since they were twelve. Eren can only blink in amazement at all of the other students walking around them. Was school always this overcrowded and noisy? He’s been bumped into four times already, and they haven’t even found the office yet in order to report in and get their class schedules.

“Are you okay?” Mikasa asks him, squeezing his hand. Eren doesn’t even know when he grabbed hers, but he can’t seem to make himself let go.

Determinedly, he nods. “I’m fine,” he says. Eren should be the one asking Mikasa if she’s alright, but he already knows what she’ll say if he does. When she doesn’t look convinced, he adds, “I’ll be fine once we’re out of the hallway. This is just a little…”

A little what, Eren doesn’t know, but Mikasa nods anyway. She probably feels the same. Together, they eventually discover where the offices are, and head inside in order to get their paperwork sorted out. That done, they head off to their first class, which turns out to be Basic Chemistry.

“You didn’t have to sign up for the same electives as me,” Eren says again. He’s glad that Mikasa has the same classes as him, so thankful that he won’t be separated from her during the day, but he doesn’t want to hold her back from choosing something else, either.

Mikasa just shrugs. “It makes sense for both of us to sign up for the basics, since neither of us has been properly schooled in years,” she says. “If I want to later, I’ll just switch classes.”

She won’t, Eren knows. Mikasa won’t ever leave him behind. Still, he doesn’t call her out on the lie. Instead, he helps Mikasa find the section of the school that houses the sciences. The hallways are thankfully empty now, since everyone else is in homeroom. They should probably find theirs first, but they both came to the conclusion that just heading for their first class will save them some confusion, and this way, they might actually arrive on time.

Sure enough, they find the right room with only a few minutes to spare. Luckily, their science teacher is already inside and setting things up for class.

“Hello!” the teacher says. “My name is Hange Zoe. I take it you two are my new students?”

They both nod, and then Eren says, “Yes. Nice to meet you.” He doesn’t introduce himself or Mikasa, figuring that if the teachers know they’re getting new students today, then they also probably know their names.

And if the teachers ever watch the news, then they all know even more than that, but Eren tries to push this thought away. He refuses to think about the past right now.

Their new teacher grins, obviously not put off by the shortness of their greeting, and gestures to the seats. “Well, lucky for you two,” the teacher says, “I hate alphabetical seating, so just sit down wherever you want.”

Eren almost winces at the reminder that he and Mikasa might not be allowed to sit next to each other for their other classes, and he allows Mikasa to steer him into a seat in the front row by the windows before she sits down next to him. Eren doesn’t know if she’s purposely trying to shield him from the other students or not, but he resolves to sit where she is tomorrow, and let Mikasa take the window seat instead next time.

The other students start trickling in, and although some of them look their way curiously, no one approaches. Eren doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or offended. As he’s trying to decide, though, someone finally sits down next to Mikasa. He’s slender for a boy their age, with blond hair longer than Eren’s, and he has blue eyes. Something about the way that he just seats himself without asking first lets Eren know that he’s also most likely watched the news coverage, and knows that no one else will want to approach them.

After he sets down his books, though, the other boy turns to them, and Eren sees determination in his eyes. He decides that he likes this boy. “Hi, there. I’m Armin Arlert,” he says, introducing himself.

Eren wonders if he ever gets picked on for that name. “Eren Jaeger,” he says in response. “This is my sister, Mikasa Ackerman.”

The other boy doesn’t blink at their different last names, or relation, even though they look nothing alike, and Eren’s suspicions are confirmed. Well, maybe. It probably isn’t so unusual for two teenagers from the same family to have different last names, or to look so dissimilar. Still, the chances are high that Armin has already heard of them both.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Mikasa tacks on, shaking Eren out of his thoughts. She’s even holding her hand out for Armin to shake, which he does with a smile. He seems genuine enough, and Eren relaxes a little, glad that someone like him sat next to them, instead of one of the jerks that he can already hear muttering and laughing behind their backs.

Eren clenches his hands into fists under the table. They’d known that there would be gossip, but it still sucks. Mikasa’s hand reaches over and covers one of his, and Eren forces himself to take a deep breath and try to let go of his anger.

“Just ignore them,” Armin says firmly, and Eren looks over to see that he’s noticed them holding hands underneath the table, but doesn’t seem to care. “They’re idiots.”

Mikasa smiles softly, and, as always, Eren’s heart feels lighter after seeing the pleased expression on her face. He finds himself grinning, too. Right, he definitely thinks that they’ve found a new friend.

“Okay, class!” Their teacher claps in order to gain their attention, and everyone quiets down and looks towards the front of the room. Eren is mildly alarmed to see that their teacher has a fire extinguisher out on the table at the front of the room now. Aren’t those only for emergencies?

Armin has a notebook out in the blink of an eye, a pen poised to write, and he’s focusing intently on their teacher, clearly ready to hang onto every word spoken. Several other students have paper out, too.

“Today, welcome to Basic Chemistry!” the teacher says enthusiastically. “The first thing that we’ll be going over in this class is what chemicals do and do _not_ mix together very well. Since this is an experiment, I’m going to let you students decide which chemicals we test. Anyone want to start us off?”

Eren blinks in shock. Suddenly, the fire extinguisher makes a lot more sense. He also hopes that the room has a good ventilation system, and that the windows can open in case of an emergency. Still, despite the fact that their new teacher seems a little crazy, Eren finds himself stifling a laugh and relaxing even more. This should be fun.


	15. Approaching Rain

**Chapter 15: Approaching Rain**

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Lately, ever since starting school again, Mikasa has found herself actually speaking to her appointed therapist. She doesn’t really know why. If anything, she thinks that he expected her to start interacting with him after she’d almost killed herself, but Mikasa had felt less inclined than ever to talk to anyone after that.

Now, though… Now, this new problem isn’t about her. Not really.

She sits in a big, comfy chair next to a window, and stares out at the afternoon sun. It’s after school, but Eren isn’t waiting outside for her. He’s out with some friends that Armin introduced them to. Without meaning to, Mikasa feels herself curling up into a ball in the chair.

“How was your day, Mikasa?” her therapist, Mike, asks her. He always starts off the conversation with one of those bland questions that she always used to ignore before.

Now, she finds herself speaking, her voice muffled against her knees. “It was fine,” she says. “We learned some new vocab in German today.” She smiles a little, remembering. “Eren’s still hopeless at pronunciation, though.” It’s funny. Or ironic. Something like that. Mikasa can speak the language perfectly so far.

“Is he?” Mike says. Mikasa nods. There’s silence for another minute as he gives her the chance to speak first, and then he asks, “And how do you feel about Eren today?”

Before, she used to assume that this was a trick question. Mikasa thought that Mike was trying to get her to trip up verbally and say something that the courts could use against Eren. But the hearings are over now, and Mike still asks her about Eren, and she’s finally coming to realize that he’s asking simply because Eren is so important to her.

Mikasa hugs her knees tighter. Eventually, she says, “He’s out with some friends right now.” It doesn’t answer the question, except that it kind of does.

Mike leans back in his own comfy chair. “Well, I’m surprised,” he replies.

Since he doesn’t ask her another question, Mikasa doesn’t feel obligated to say anything else. She finds herself speaking, anyway. “I told him to go,” she adds. And she did. Mikasa practically forced Eren to go to the mall for an hour or two without her while she went to therapy instead.

Mike nods. “Why did you do that?” he asks.

Looking out the window again, Mikasa notices that more and more clouds are now stretching out across the sky. She wonders if it will start raining soon. She shrugs slightly. “Because they asked him to,” she says. “And…”

And Eren had looked like he wanted to go, only he didn’t want to leave her alone, and Mikasa doesn’t want to be someone that holds him back.

Mike doesn’t ask her to continue. He never really pushes her to answer questions, just offers his presence. He doesn’t have a computer or a notebook open in order to jot down notes, either, and Mikasa never feels like she’s being forced to say anything while in his office.

“There’s this other girl,” Mikasa starts to say, but then she stops. Does she want to talk about that when it’s still so fresh? She doesn’t know, but finds herself continuing. “She likes Eren.”

It’s been bugging Mikasa for weeks, ever since they first met her.

“Does Eren like her back?” Mike questions, and Mikasa shakes her head negatively.

“I don’t think he’s even noticed,” she admits. That’s not the problem.

Mike chuckles, which is unusual, and causes Mikasa to blink in confusion at his reflection in the window. “Well, he is a teenage boy,” he explains. “Most of the time, they don’t notice those kinds of things right away.”

Mikasa finds herself agreeing silently. The window is starting to frost over at the edges, and she wonders if the rain later might turn into sleet, or even snow.

“What’s this girl like?” Mike asks.

Mikasa hums. “She’s tough,” she says eventually. This is the worst thing about Annie, in Mikasa’s opinion. “She gets very good grades, but doesn’t seem to care much about school. And she’s very direct.”

Blonde, tall, and pretty. Annie has her own set of admirers, Mikasa’s noticed, though the other girl doesn’t seem to care. Eren accidentally bumped into her back during lunch one day, and then before Mikasa could blink, Annie was introducing herself and sitting down with them and Armin.

“She sounds like a very composed person,” Mike says.

“Yes,” Mikasa agrees, “nothing seems to bother her. A boy started bullying her one day, and she kicked his ass before the teachers even noticed a commotion.” Even Mikasa has to admit that it was amusing. And brave.

More silence. Finally, Mike says, “It bothers you that someone who you admire likes Eren.”

It’s not a question. “I’m scared that one day I’m going to wake up and Eren isn’t going to need me anymore, because he’ll have other people to rely on instead,” she says softly.

Mikasa doesn’t feel better after saying this out loud. In fact, admitting the truth to Mike makes her feel even worse.

After a minute, Mike says, “I don’t think that will ever happen, Mikasa.”

She turns to look at him directly, and tilts her head, curious. “Why not?” she asks simply.

Mike sighs, but he doesn’t sound tired or annoyed, merely contemplative. “Honestly? I think Eren needs you a lot more than you need him,” he says. Mikasa blinks at this, surprised. “Even if he does notice eventually, I doubt that Eren is ever going to care that another girl likes him.”

“How do you know that for sure, though?” she whispers.

“Well, I suppose that I don’t,” Mike admits. This is something else that Mikasa usually likes about him, that he doesn’t lie to her, but right now, she almost wishes that he would. “I can only say what I believe,” he continues, “based on my sessions with the both of you. What I think is that, no matter how many new friends he makes or who else likes him, Eren is always going to need you first. In fact, I won’t be at all surprised if he comes to his own session tomorrow and complains about you making him socialize all alone with other people today.”

He pauses, and then Mike says, “I think that you’re threatened by this other girl because you’re both quite similar. From how you just described her, she sounds like a strong person. You’re the same, Mikasa. You’re stronger than you think.”

Mikasa wonders if this is true, and admits silently that maybe it might be. Oddly, she does feel a little bit lighter now. She wonders if Eren will be waiting for her when she gets home.


	16. Rays of Sunlight

**Chapter 16: Rays of Sunlight**

########

Once again, Levi finds himself sitting across the room from his therapist, Mike, and wondering why he even bothers to keep coming to these sessions. It’s so irritating to have to deal with this too, when he already has plenty of other concerns. Of course, two of them are why he’s here.

He’s sitting in a comfy chair, with one leg drawn up against his chest and the other one left dangling, ignoring with the ease of familiarity when his foot doesn’t come even close to touching the floor. Meanwhile, Levi’s therapist is waiting calmly for him to decide whether or not to talk today.

Before, when the brats’ custody still wasn’t finalized, Levi had forced himself to speak up during these sessions. Now, though, he rarely talks. He might still be required to visit a therapist, but he no longer feels a constant pressure to appease everyone. None of the three of them do anymore.

This is why Levi finds it sort of funny that apparently Eren and Mikasa are opening up more to Mike, while he is only distancing himself.

Whatever. Mike isn’t offended. He assured Levi once that he actually prefers Levi’s silence now to his fake cooperation from before. Still, it makes for a rather boring hour when Levi doesn’t feel like chatting.

Finally, Mike starts to speak, and Levi subconsciously braces himself. “Are you still checking in on Mikasa and Eren at school?” he asks.

There’s no judgment in Mike’s tone, which is good because Levi doesn’t need that shit from an outsider. Instead, he sighs and leans his head back against the chair. His leg, which he’s been idly swinging back and forth, goes still. “Yeah,” he says.

‘Checking in on.’ This is a polite way of saying that some days Levi stalks the two brats from the time that they leave the apartment to when they come home again. Most days, though, he can control himself enough that Levi simply drives by the school buildings once. It isn’t often that he can leave them completely alone for the whole day, though.

“Have you told them about that?” Mike asks.

Levi grits his teeth and considers not answering. He thinks that it’s stupid of Mike to ask questions that he already knows the answers to. “I haven’t exactly brought it up in conversation,” he says dryly.

Mike nods. “Why haven’t you?” he asks next, which is new. Levi raises an eyebrow in a silent question of his own, and Mike shrugs. “Do you really think they’ll care if they know that you’re keeping an eye on them most days? They might even feel relieved.”

Levi mulls that thought over for a few minutes. Mike’s probably right. It’s unlikely that Mikasa and Eren would react negatively to Levi checking in on them during the day. So, why doesn’t he just tell them?

He knows the answer to that question. “I don’t want to have to explain why,” he says. Levi doesn’t want to have to look those two brats in the eyes and explain to them that he’s lost people before, many people, and that he doesn’t think that he can live through losing someone else. That it’s not so much about keeping Mikasa and Eren safe as it is about protecting himself from further pain. Levi doesn’t want them to know that he’s that selfish.

As if in silent response to his statement, Levi sees Mike’s gaze flicker down to the long sleeves covering his arms. Levi wants to bristle at that, to get angry and storm out, but he can hardly blame the other man for trying to assess his mental well-being. After all, that’s why Levi’s currently stuck in this office.

He doesn’t say anything, though, silently daring Mike to ask. It’s the one question that Levi has never shied away from, mostly because he knows that the topic makes others around him deeply uncomfortable, and Levi is an asshole who’s amused by this.

Mike only returns the look, not intimidated or put off by Levi’s attitude. “Are you still cutting yourself?” he asks simply.

Levi laughs, softly, and stares back. “Yes,” he answers, just as plainly.

It’s nothing new. Levi has been cutting for years. For most of his life, in fact. Usually, his arms, but sometimes his legs, too. He started because of what happened to Farlan and Isabelle, cut for a couple of years, stopped, and then started up again when the next shitty thing fucked up his life. Rinse and repeat.

He’s been indulging quite often ever since finding out what happened to Petra. Not to mention all of the recent shit with the brats.

Mike doesn’t look disappointed. Levi doesn’t know if he genuinely isn’t, or if he can just hide his feelings very well. “Are you being careful?” he asks.

It’s a polite way of asking Levi if he’s suicidal. He’s not. Never has been. “I’m fine,” he answers shortly, knowing that Mike will infer all of this from his response. They’ve been through this same song and dance before, after all.

“Have you been cutting yourself as frequently recently?” Mike continues, relentless.

Levi shrugs, his leg starting to swing back and forth again, slowly. “Not so much,” he answers honestly. The kids have been good lately. Hell, they’ve been better recently than Levi’s ever seen them. Mikasa was quiet and withdrawn, even for her, a couple of weeks ago, but she seems to be opening back up, and Eren-

He’s been changing the most. “Eren’s talking about joining the hockey team,” Levi divulges, even though Mike probably already knows about that from his sessions with the teen. “He seems really excited about it.” Something about the boy’s energy is affecting Levi and Mikasa, too. When Eren’s happy and carefree, they all seem to be, to some degree.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mike comments. 

“Yeah,” Levi agrees, turning his head a little in order to stare out the window. “Things might actually be calming the hell down. Finally.”

Almost, he wonders if he’s jinxing himself, but it’s still true. Mikasa and Eren have friends. They’re often hanging out at the mall with them, or going out somewhere to eat, like normal teenagers. Levi’s been enjoying the respite, even if it does turn out to be a brief one. For now, things seem good.


	17. Cyclone

**Chapter 17: Cyclone**

########

Eren lets the tiny, purple pill dissolve on his tongue, and closes his eyes while he waits for the drug to start taking effect. He still doesn’t know the name of this drug, the one that he was forced to take almost a year ago, but is now taking again voluntarily. What he does know is that the feeling every time it hits his mind is just the same as he remembers.

This isn’t like before, though. Eren’s being so careful now. He knows how easy it is to get addicted to drugs, and to control someone else through them. He has no desire to be controlled. Not ever again. He just takes one every now and then in order to feel happy. And only when he’s sad, when depressing thoughts are pressing in at him from all sides and he thinks that he’ll go crazy otherwise.

So, really, it isn’t so bad that Eren occasionally indulges. He’s always careful to make sure that Mikasa and Levi are out somewhere when the initial high hits, and he hides the bottle in his school backpack. There aren’t even that many pills missing from it. Really, he’s been doing fine lately.

“What are you doing?” a voice nearby asks.

Eren should feel alarmed. No one else is supposed to be home right now. He tries to open his eyes and make up some excuse, but his eyelids feel heavy. Finally, he manages to lift them just a sliver.

Mikasa is standing frozen in the doorway to their room. He didn’t even hear her open the bedroom door, or come into the apartment. Eren lets his eyelids fall down again in order to try and block out the disappointment and sadness visible in her expression. Mikasa isn’t allowed to be sad.

A distant feeling on his cheek makes Eren open his eyes again, and Mikasa is standing much closer now, her hand still raised. She must have slapped him. He’s glad that it didn’t hurt as much as it should have.

“Eren,” she says. Her voice is hard now, angry. His body wants to curl up into a ball in response, but he’s hitting the high finally, and his legs won’t obey his orders. Everything feels so wonderful. “ _What are you doing?!”_ she shouts.

Eren’s gaze drifts away from her, and he ends up staring at the ceiling. Shapes are beginning to form there, odd pictures drawing and erasing themselves like an etch-a-sketch. Mikasa should look at them. They’re neat.

Suddenly, the ceiling is moving above him. Eren sucks in his breath and watches in wonder as the bedroom ceiling slowly moves away and becomes the one from the hallway. Then, the bathroom. Then, the ceiling isn’t there at all, but the wall. There’s also someone’s harsh breathing in his ears, and muttered curses that he can’t quite make out. Eren has just enough time to wonder why this all feels faintly familiar in the back of his mind before his mouth is wrenched open and something is shoved forcefully past his teeth and tongue.

He chokes, tries to turn his head away, but still doesn’t have enough control over his body to manage it. Instead, he starts coughing, and then Eren is leaning over the toilet as he throws up.

After a few minutes, Eren can breathe again, and he realizes that his hands are grasping the edges of the toilet bowl. Slowly, he raises his head. Eren’s in the bathroom. He starts falling sideways when he lets go of the toilet, but something catches and steadies him. When he looks down at his shoulder, Eren sees a hand there, smaller than his own. Almost delicate-looking. He follows that to a covered arm, and then up to a face. It’s Mikasa. Her mouth is opening and closing, but he can’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears. She leaves after a moment, and then comes back with a glass of water, which he drinks eagerly. She has to hold up the cup to his lips, since his hands don’t seem to want to grab it.

“Is that better?” Mikasa asks him. Eren nods. It is a bit. His hearing’s back, and his throat no longer hurts as much, and his eyes have stopped watering. The two of them sit there in silence for a little while, Eren slumped over the toilet and Mikasa kneeling beside him.

Eventually, Eren feels the initial buzz wearing off. He gestures wordlessly for more water, and silently, Mikasa gets some. After he’s done swallowing, she takes back the glass, looks him hard in the eyes, and then slaps him across the face.

It _hurts._

Eren’s vision actually goes grey around the edges, and his head whips sideways. Fuck. She always did know how to hit someone forcefully.

“Did you feel it that time?” she asks him. “It looks like you did.”

“Yeah,” Eren answers her, rubbing his cheek. Slowly, his motor functions are coming back to him. It’s also slowly sinking in that Mikasa is _here,_ that she knows now, and the hand that’s rubbing his stinging cheek balls into a tight fist instead. Damn it.

“Why are you home?” he asks her.

Mikasa is silent for a few seconds. “I suppose that you’ve been timing it carefully, huh,” she says. It’s not a question. “I stormed out of therapy today.”

“Why?” he questions, wondering if he should be worried that something has happened to her.

Mikasa shrugs. “I didn’t feel like being there today,” she says simply. There’s another silence. “You’re going to flush those pills,” she says. It’s not even a command, but still, Eren feels compelled to obey her. Except…

“Can you do it?” he whispers. “I-” don’t know if I can _,_ he finishes silently.

She eyes him carefully for a moment, and then Eren waits while Mikasa gets up and walks out of the bathroom. She comes back only a minute later, and sits down next to him again. “Watch,” she says. This time, it’s an order, and Eren does watch. He forces himself not to look away as Mikasa dumps all of the pills into the toilet water, and then flushes.

Somehow, after that, they end up leaving the bathroom and stretching out on Levi’s bed together, since his bedroom is closer. He’s not here, but the room still feels like his presence, a protective shield from the rest of the world, and they cuddle there together.

“I’m sorry,” Eren says eventually, feeling helpless even with the scarce remnants of the drug still inside of him currently swimming through his veins. He clings to Mikasa tighter, until he is encased within her arms.

“I know you are,” she replies, and tugs him even closer. They lie together like that, just breathing, for what feels like hours before they finally hear other movement inside of the apartment.

After a minute, the bedroom door swings all the way open, and Eren sees Levi standing there staring at them. He doesn’t say anything, just watches them for a minute before he walks farther into the room and climbs up onto the bed on the other side of Eren, a solid presence at his back. Mikasa starts crying silently, and Eren feels his own tears begin to fall as the warmth of their two bodies surrounds him, keeping him safe.


	18. To Shelter

**Chapter 18: To Shelter**

########

When Mikasa comes home from school, Levi is already there waiting for her. This is unusual, because he usually has to work until later, almost suppertime, before he leaves his office for the day. At first, she’s apprehensive. Has something happened to Eren? But one look at Levi’s relaxed posture on the couch reassures Mikasa, and she dismiss that notion.

“You’re home,” is all she says. Mikasa isn’t one for much unnecessary talking. Neither is Levi. Both of them feel Eren’s absence keenly, but he was the one to suggest the juvenile rehab center that he is currently staying at. He’ll be home soon. Until then, though, Mikasa and Levi are on their own.

“Yeah,” Levi agrees. His head tilts slightly to the side as he watches her hang up her coat and scarf. “School okay?” he asks.

Mikasa shrugs in answer. In truth, she doesn’t want to think about school right now. Mikasa has spent the time during Eren’s absence looking into who could have given him those drugs. What she’s found out isn’t pretty. Apparently, a gang called Titans has sunk its teeth into a decent portion of the student body, including some of Mikasa and Eren’s friends.

Mikasa plans on telling Levi everything that she’s uncovered. He’ll work out how to shut down the gang, she knows. But not just yet. She’s still feeling off-balance from learning the truth about some of the people that she’s recently started trusting, despite her better judgment.

Levi stands up and motions to her coat. “Put that back on,” he says. “We’re going out.”

Mikasa does, and follows Levi quietly. “We’re not going to see Eren,” she says. She knows this. Visitors are allowed only on the weekends.

They get into the car before Levi replies. “No,” he says, “the brat will have to take care of himself for a little while longer.” Mikasa smiles into her scarf. “We’re going somewhere else.”

It’s obvious to her that Levi doesn’t want to say where just yet, and that’s fine by Mikasa. She’s not worried. Instead, she passes the time by watching fresh snow fall down lightly from the sky. It’s cold out, but the heat’s on in the car, and she’s warm.

Mikasa blinks in surprise, though, when they stop in front of what looks like an animal shelter. She turns to Levi, curious. He has the car parked, but the engine’s still running, and he’s looking down at his hands where they’re gripping the steering wheel.

After a minute, he sighs quietly and looks over at her instead. “I’m sorry,” he says.

Mikasa lets the apology sit between them for a minute. “For what?” she asks. Mikasa honestly doesn’t know what he could be referring to. Levi looks tired, and she’s reminded again of how old he actually is when she looks at the lines around his eyes.

“For not knowing until it was too late,” he replies. “For not being someone who you could go to first.”

Mikasa stills. He’s talking about the day that she almost killed herself, and did kill the baby developing inside of her. Mikasa swallows hard, but her voice is calm. “I trust you,” she says, because that seems to be the most important thing to mention first.

Levi blinks. “Do you?” he asks, though not accusingly. Mikasa suspects that, like her and Eren, Levi too has trust issues.

She nods solemnly. “It wasn’t about not trusting you,” she says. “It’s just-” She doesn’t know what to say. “I just didn’t want Eren to ever find out,” she admits finally.

Levi hums under his breath as he thinks that over. “That was cowardly of you,” he says.

Mikasa nods in agreement, and doesn’t flinch. It’s the truth. Instead, she waits for Levi to tell her why they’re parked outside of a shelter and talking about this now, of all times.

Levi drums his fingers on the steering wheel. “Sometimes, I feel like a coward, too,” he admits. That manages to surprise her. “I knew all along that you and Eren were still having sex,” he confesses. “I just didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want the issue to turn into a big confrontation.” Levi runs a hand through his hair. “I never even thought about protection.”

Mikasa laughs, just a little, and it’s Levi’s turn to look at her with a startled expression on his face, but she can’t help it. It feels wonderful to laugh, even when talking about something that still hurts her so deeply. “It’s not your fault,” she explains gently, after she’s done composing herself. Mikasa gets it now. “Eren and I have been fucking up our lives for years before we even met you, and we’ll probably do it a lot more in the future, too.”

“Joy,” Levi mutters, but the edges of his lips are curling upwards ever-so-slightly. Then, he turns serious again. “You two are codependent as hell,” he says bluntly, “but you both already know that. Just… I feel useless enough sometimes, without you two shutting me out whenever shit happens to you until it’s time for the clean-up.”

Mikasa’s eyes flicker to the ends of Levi’s sleeves, where on his left arm she can just see the edge of a faint line starting on his wrist and then disappearing farther up under the fabric. She bites her lip. She and Eren haven’t asked, but they’ve both noticed the scars on Levi’s arms. He’s seen them looking, she’s sure, but he’s never said a word about them, either. Still, she knows what they are.

“You, too,” she blurts out. Levi raises an eyebrow at her in confusion. “Don’t just keep everything bottled up inside,” she says. “Tell me and Eren when we’re being impossible.”

“But then I’d never stop talking,” Levi quipped, before he nodded at her. “Yeah, yeah, I get the point,” he says. “All of us have to learn to speak the fuck up if something’s wrong, before it explodes in our faces.”

Mikasa nods, and then remembers what she found out today. “Speaking of, I need to talk to you later,” she admits. “But for right now, why are we here?”

Levi looks around, as though noticing for the first time where they are. He finally turns off the engine and opens his door, Mikasa taking that as her cue to get out, too. “Feel like adopting a cat?” he asks her casually, as though he’s not already walking toward the front door of the building.

Mikasa turns the idea over in her mind while she follows him, and she smiles. “Eren prefers dogs,” she mentions, keeping her own tone of voice purposely nonchalant.

Levi snorts in response. “Good thing the brat’s not here, then,” he says. Mikasa only nods in agreement.

Together, they walk in out of the cold. Twenty minutes later, they leave with a small carrier and a tiny, black kitten with green eyes. Mikasa names her Carla.


	19. Melting

**Chapter 19:** **Melting**

########

Levi is once again staked out near the brats’ high school. Unlike his usual method, though, Levi is completely in sight today, parked in the faculty lot. He wants to be closer to the front of the building, but like hell is he risking one of those brats denting his car when they leave after classes.

His own brats are aware that Levi is outside their school right now, which is also not the norm. Well, Mikasa knows, and the two of them will tell Eren when they visit him tomorrow at rehab, so that will have to do.

Levi debated earlier about whether or not to sit out here while classes are still going on, or just show up after they’ve finished for the day, but in the end, he decided to get here early. That way, if any of the kids that he is currently waiting for skip out before the final bell, he’ll be ready to follow them.

And Levi is very interested in following some of the students. His conversation with Mikasa yesterday was informative, and sadly, not at all surprising. There are always students at every school who use heavy drugs. Or, at least, have them on-hand for others to buy. It’s just Eren’s dumb luck that he became friends with some of the ones who attend school here. He’s just thankful that Mikasa found out about this without actually becoming involved in the local gang, too, and that Eren agreed to the rehab.

Still, Levi is now being closely reviewed by the state for his fitness as a guardian. He had naively assumed that he wouldn’t have to worry about that shit anymore, but apparently not. To be fair, Levi figures that anyone looking after two kids, one who gave herself an abortion in the bathroom and one who is currently checked into rehab, would come under intense scrutiny from CPS, even biological parents.

It’s still a hassle, though, and just when things finally seemed to be calming down. Eren’s beginning to really trust Levi, not just putting on a mask, and Mikasa is at last getting it through her head that she can rely on him, and damn it, but Levi can’t have his relationship with them ruined now.

Which is why he’s here, at their school, waiting for some members of the Titans gang that attend classes here to leave for the day. Levi knows that it will take a little time, but he is fully in support of Mikasa’s desire to see this particular gang shut down, or moved to another area. He knows that the second outcome is far more likely, all things considered.

Mikasa just wants revenge. She’d admitted that upfront yesterday, not that Levi didn’t already know. He’s just grateful that she came to him with her information. If he was in her situation at her age, and people he trusted hurt someone that he loved, Levi wouldn’t be responsible enough to seek out an adult and let them handle the situation. He’d be out for their blood.

Thank fuck Mikasa still has enough innocence in her that she is nothing like he was at her age.

The sudden knock against his window is probably meant to startle him, but Levi already noticed a shadow moving closer in his sideview mirror. Instead of jerking in surprise, he calmly lowers the window. “Who are you, and what the fuck do you want?” he asks.

The man waiting raises one eyebrow, likely at Levi’s language. It’s a familiar response. This guy is really tall and broad-shouldered, with intense blue eyes that are creeping Levi out, and wide blond eyebrows that are creeping him out even more. He also has an empty sleeve pinned up where most of his right arm should be.

“Well,” the stranger says eventually, “I was going to mention that you’re skipping classes while parked in my spot, and that this lot is only for faculty members, but then I saw your face and realized that you’re too old to be a student.”

Levi nods, not even surprised. He appreciates the directness. “Sorry about that,” he says, falsely contrite. “I didn’t see any spots marked off for the handicapped.”

That’s probably very petty of him, but he’s bored, and the other man bothered him first. To Levi’s surprise, though, his response is met with laughter.

“There was a meeting about that,” the other man admits, unconcerned. “I told them that it wasn’t necessary. Same as when they offered to put in another wheelchair ramp on this side of the building, too. I’m still not sure why.”

Levi snorts. People can be such morons sometimes.

“Want me to move?” he asks. Not that he’s necessarily going to if the other man says yes, but he’s curious what the guy’s response will be.

A headshake is his only answer, those intense eyes not letting up on their staring. “Are you a parent here early?” he asks Levi instead.

Something about his tone of voice alerts Levi to the fact that this guy is very suspicious of him - not without good reason, Levi can admit - and that he is probably about one minute away from calling the police, or somebody else. Levi gets tired just thinking about the annoyance that would cause.

“Technically, guardian,” he says, not bothering to mince words, “but that’s not why I’m here.”

“I know,” the other man says, just as bluntly. “I’ve seen you around the school before, though usually parked a or two street over.”

Levi’s shoulders tighten. Just how long has this man been watching Levi without him noticing? Shit.

“I also recognized you from the news,” the man continues, without even bothering to wait for a response from Levi. Not that he had one in mind. “I know who you are, Mr. Ackerman, but I’m curious about why you’re here today.”

Levi isn’t sure if he hates this guy or admires him, or just plain doesn’t care what some stranger thinks. Still, he understands perfectly well that he could be in a lot of trouble if the police are informed about his habit of scoping out the school grounds on a regular basis.

He sighs. “I’m waiting for some of your students to leave so that I can follow them and see where they’re picking up their drugs,” he says. There. Let the other man chew on that for a while.

Except that this man, whoever he is, doesn’t even have the decency to look surprised. Instead, he nods. “How’s Eren doing?” he asks.

“Fine.” Levi’s response is automatic, defensive, and he makes himself take a breath. “Better,” he adds more honestly.

“I’m glad to hear that,” the man says. They’re both quiet for a minute. The other man doesn’t look to be in any sort of a hurry to venture inside of the school building just yet, seeming content to continue standing next to Levi’s car. “Do you think that Eren will be interested in trying out for a sports team next semester?” he asks eventually.

Interesting subject change. “You’re a coach?” Levi asks. That would make sense with why he isn’t needed inside right now.

“For the hockey team,” the man answers. “I think that it might be good for Eren to start interacting with more of his fellow students outside of school hours. Different students than before, of course.”

Levi doesn’t disagree. He turns the thought over in his head. It sounds fine to him, though of course, he’ll leave the final decision up to Eren. The brat wanted to join the team anyway, before shit happened. “I’ll ask him what he thinks about it,” he says.

The coach nods again. “Tryouts are over winter break. I hope to see him there.”

He finally turns and starts walking away, and Levi finds himself speaking up quickly before the other man can disappear into the building.

“You never answered my first question,” he says. When the other man turns his head back around to raise one of those wide eyebrows at him in question, Levi rolls his eyes. “You know who I am,” he points out. “What’s your name?” The more that he knows about this man, the more that he can look up on him later, and hopefully dig up some kind of dirt on him to counteract the information that he obviously already has on Levi.

His question is met with a sharp smile, as though the other man knows exactly what he’s thinking and is silently wishing him good luck. What a weirdo. “Erwin Smith,” he says. “Nice to meet you, Levi Ackerman.”


	20. The Thaw

**Chapter 20:** **The Thaw**

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Eren is thrilled to be back. He’s missed Mikasa and Levi, even though they came to visit him as often as possible. Still, even Eren can admit that he needed the time away from everything. In the rehab clinic, there was no one depending on Eren not to screw things up, no caring eyes watching his every move, just waiting for his next mistake.

That isn’t fair of him, he knows. Eren loves Mikasa more than anything, and is even fond of Levi, and neither of them expects him to be perfect. It’s just that sometimes Eren feels like if he continues to be such a mess, then eventually they’ll both get tired of him hanging around.

Which is also stupid. Mikasa has told him so repeatedly. And Levi has taken the time to show Eren ways that he can be useful around the apartment, demonstrating in his own way that Eren is wanted. Before, Eren wasn’t sure if he believed that. Not deep down, where it matters. Because Mikasa is so strong. How can she really need him anymore, now that she has somewhere safe? And yes, Levi is patient with him, but that doesn’t mean that Eren isn’t constantly turning the man’s life upside down and causing him lots of stress.

It’s taken Eren awhile, and it wasn’t until recently that it really sank in for him that, no matter how many times he screws up, Mikasa will still look up to him, and Levi will still help him get back up onto his feet again.

Their support means everything to him, and Eren can only repay them by promising that he is done making the same mistakes. He is determined to do better this time, for both of them, as well as for himself.

Mikasa walks into the living room, interrupting Eren’s thoughts, and stops abruptly to stare. “What are you doing?” she asks.

Eren looks down at the floor a little guiltily. A small bundle of black fur with green eyes is staring back up at him imploringly, waiting for his hand to start dragging the shoestring along the floor once more.

He glances back up at Mikasa, who is clearly waiting for an explanation, and Eren can see the amusement in her eyes. He’s so busted.

“She looked bored,” he says, knowing that it’s a feeble excuse.

Mikasa shakes her head at him, her expression fond. “You’re teaching her bad habits,” she admonishes, though her tone doesn’t hold any sharpness. “She has toys for a reason.”

Eren shrugs, and drags the lace across the floor again, watching in amusement as the kitten pounces eagerly. “She didn’t want any of them,” he says. It’s the truth. He’d tried gently tossing two balls with bells in them toward her, and dragging one mouse toy in front of her, but she didn’t budge until he moved one of his feet, and then she started chewing on his shoelaces.

“You’re spoiling her rotten,” Mikasa adds, though she sits down next to him and holds out one hand for the string. Eren hands it over happily, and Carla gladly switches playmates, chasing after the string and gnawing on the end. He still isn’t too sure about the name, but it’s slowly growing on him. Mostly because his mother probably would have thought that the kitten is adorable.

Eren sits back and relaxes, enjoying the quiet moment. Just then, his eyes catch a glimpse of the book in Mikasa’s other hand. It’s the latest volume of _A Song of Ice and Fire_ , he sees, feeling a little smug. Armin recommended the book series to him, and once Eren started reading them, he was hooked. Now that he’s worn down Mikasa into reading them too, he can work on Levi next, and then when he goes on a rant about one of the characters, he’ll have two fellow sufferers in the apartment to share in his misery.

Mikasa notices his look, and sighs. “I got bored,” she admits. She focuses intently on dangling the string for Carla. “Besides, I thought that it could be something simple for us to talk about together.”

Like anything in that series is simple. But Eren understands what Mikasa means, and he swallows down the sudden lump in his throat. They’ve never really done that, he knows. Just talking for hours about mundane things like TV shows or books, or anything. Not since his parents were still alive, anyway. In a weird way, they’ve always been so close that idle chitchat wasn’t necessary in order for them to understand each other. On the other hand, the fact that they haven’t really felt comfortable enough with each other in years to share silly or mundane conversations means that, somewhere along the line, they stopped confiding in each other about the important stuff, too.

It's something that they’ve both promised to try and fix, that weird space between them that is filled with all of their silences. Eren and Mikasa are precious to each other, but sometimes, it’s almost like they’re strangers who have been forced to survive out in the extreme wilderness together. Except now, they’re somewhere safe, and they need to learn how to actually talk to each other again.

Eren smiles at Mikasa, and watches her shoulders loosen up when she sees his expression out of the corner of her eye. “I can’t wait until you finish that book,” he says. “There are so many characters I want to yell about, but if I start now, I won’t stop until I’ve ruined the rest of the plot for you.”

Mikasa turns to look at him fully again, smiling softly. “There’s a few characters that I already really want to die before the series ends,” she admits, and Eren laughs in response. He’s not surprised.

“Okay, any characters that you really want to see live, though?” he asks.

When Levi gets home half an hour later, Eren and Mikasa are busy arguing over who their favorite character is, and why. Carla is now curled up in Eren’s lap as both of them stubbornly insist that their pick, Arya Stark vs. Daenerys Targaryen, is more awesome. Levi stands there listening to their argument for only a few seconds before he shakes his head and mutters something about a shower before dinner.

“We have to convince Levi to read these books, too,” Eren says urgently after the man leaves the room. Before Mikasa can agree, Levi’s voice calls out to them from down the hallway. “Jon Snow’s more interesting, by the way,” he says.

Mikasa’s wide eyes reflect Eren’s own surprise, and then both of them start laughing.


	21. Glowing Embers

**Chapter 21:** **Glowing Embers**

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When Mikasa gets back from her therapy appointment, she walks into the living room to find Levi curled up in the armchair fast asleep, with Carla lying on his feet. She can hear Eren humming in the kitchen, and something that smells like chili is cooking on the stove.

Not bothering to announce her presence, Mikasa closes the front door quietly and takes off her coat, scarf, mittens, and boots before she walks into the kitchen. “I’m back,” she says, keeping her voice down.

Eren grins at her. “They were like that when I got home,” he says, obviously referring to the sleeping duo in the next room.

Mikasa is walking over to turn the burner on under the kettle and heat up some hot water for cocoa, but she pauses at that. Eren just called this place ‘home’. It’s the first time that he’s used that word that she can remember since the day his parents were killed.

In something of a daze, she sits down at the kitchen table. She can see Eren eyeing her in confusion as he turns on the burner for her, already knowing what she came into the kitchen for. Mikasa reaches out and grasps one of his hands lightly, trying to put her sudden mood into words.

Eren stills at her touch, and lets her gently pull him closer, until he sits down in a chair next to her. She spends a few minutes rubbing his hand between both of her own, his skin warming her fingers.

“Is this place really home for you now?” she asks softly.

Eren blinks at her question, but then he smiles again, and squeezes one of her hands in return. “I think so, yeah,” he admits. In his eyes, Mikasa sees a fragile sort of happiness settling there, and her heart warms in response.

“I think so, too,” she says. The kettle whistles, and Mikasa lets Eren’s hand go so that he can get up and fix their drinks. “It’s strange,” she adds honestly, “thinking of a place as home.” And not just the boy standing a couple of feet away from her.

But home is so much more to her than just Eren now. Home is Levi being there for her to talk to when Eren is annoying her, and Carla curling up on her chest when Mikasa sprawls out on the couch. The table she’s sitting at, the smell of cleaning solution in the bathroom, even the quiet way that she can just tell when one of the other two are somewhere in the apartment, knowing that she’s not alone. She feels safe here, and wanted, and happy.

“I’m almost afraid to trust that it’s real,” Eren says, setting a steaming mug down in front of her. “I keep expecting this life to disappear someday, too.”

That took a lot for Eren to admit out loud, she knows. He still doesn’t like to share his doubts with her, not that she can throw stones there. No, Mikasa understands exactly why Eren struggles with always wanting to appear strong in front of her.

“This is real,” she reassures him. “We’re going to make sure that it stays real, too, Eren. All of us.” Now that she’s finally found a home with Eren once again, Mikasa refuses to let anything come along and take it away from them.

Mikasa wants to cherish moments like this. She wants to remember this warm feeling of belonging for forever. On impulse, she pulls out her phone and holds it up, taking a quick picture of Eren’s face.

He looks at her in confusion. “What was that for?” he asks.

Mikasa shrugs. “Just memories,” she says. “I think I’m going to buy a camera the next time I’m out.” If she has pictures of these little moments, Mikasa’s sure that she’ll never forget them. She turns her phone around to show Eren the picture of his startled face. He looks utterly silly, especially with a small streak of sauce on his cheek. “What do you think?” she asks him, mock-seriously.

“That’s awful,” Eren moans, but Mikasa catches the grin on his face before he can make it disappear. “Delete it.”

She shakes her head, pleased. “No way,” she declares. Mikasa stands up and carefully walks out into the living room again, happy to find both man and kitten still asleep. Quietly, she takes a few pictures of the two of them before retreating back into the kitchen, where Eren is chuckling into his drink.

“He’s going to delete those if he finds out about them,” Eren tells her, still laughing.

Mikasa nods, already emailing them to herself. “I’m making copies,” she informs him.

The two of them finish their drinks before Levi finally wakes back up and walks slowly into the kitchen, blinking at the brighter lighting. “How long was I asleep?” he mutters, but he doesn’t seem to expect either of them to answer him.

Mikasa steals a quick look at Eren, who silently mouths ‘I dare you’ at her, grinning cheerfully.

Straightening her shoulders, Mikasa opens up the new blackmail folder on her phone and calmly turns the screen so that Levi can see one of the pictures that she took earlier. Levi squints at the screen, and then snorts once he deciphers it. “Cute,” he says.

Eren leans over eagerly, only to pull back and thump his head down on the table with a moan. Mikasa showed Levi the picture of Eren, of course. “Why?” Eren asks her, his tone resigned.

She smiles, saying nothing. Soon, all three of them are gathered around hot bowls of chili and talking about their respective days, Mikasa threatening to take another picture of Eren when he crams a huge spoonful of chili into his mouth and promptly chokes. Dinner is fun and comfortable, just another day at home with her family.


	22. Hearth and Home

**Chapter 22:** **Hearth and Home**

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Levi takes a careful sip of his tea. He’s learned from enough experiences with these early morning practices that it’s best to wait and let the liquid cool some first, instead of quickly gulping his drink down for the caffeine hit. Luckily, waiting until the tea won’t burn his mouth doesn’t take long when he’s sitting inside of an ice rink. Briefly, he considers taking the lid off so that it will cool even faster, but quickly decides that he’d rather drink the liquid, not chew on it when it turns into slush.

Letting out a quiet sigh, and enjoying the warmth from the cup in his hands, if not the cold slowly numbing his ass, Levi watches as Mikasa and Eren talk quietly together before practice starts. The rest of Eren’s team is huddled around Coach Smith, who looks completely at home out on the ice, and wide awake, which is just unnatural. The man is discussing the maneuvers that the team is going to practice that morning, forcing the teens around him to pay attention and look alert, even if they’re mostly faking it.

Smith’s serious tone doesn’t hide the amused look in his eyes one bit. The man seems to get a certain amount of sadistic glee out of his job, and Levi has no doubt that he’s cataloging exactly who’s awake and who isn’t, and is getting ready to motivate them accordingly. A few spills onto the hard ice is usually enough to wake up even the most sluggish among them.

Levi still thinks that the other man is creepy, but now he also knows that Smith is smart and genuinely enthusiastic about his career, and somehow always seems to infect the kids with that same enthusiasm during each practice, until the team is skating across the ice like a well-oiled machine. It’s impressive to watch happen each and every time, and also makes Levi feel very relieved that he gets to stay right where he is, even though he’s freezing.

The whistle blows, and Eren waves to Levi and says something else quickly to Mikasa before he joins the team. Levi hopes for the brat’s sake that he was listening to the strategy discussed for this morning’s practice.

Mikasa slowly makes her way back to Levi, sitting down near him and cradling her own drink in her hands. Though she has a scarf wrapped around her neck and mouth, and mittens on, she looks even colder than Levi feels. Her nose is almost touching her coffee lid.

“If you burn yourself, I’m going to laugh,” he informs her flatly. She takes his hint and lowers the cup just slightly.

They sit there in silence for a bit, trying futilely to warm up. Despite her coffee, Mikasa is still yawning from time to time while watching Eren’s practice. “How do you drive this early without crashing the car?” she asks idly.

Levi snorts. “I have no idea,” he informs her honestly. “When the hell do you two start taking driving courses through the school?”

The look that she gives him in response is amused and sympathetic all at once. “Not until next year,” Mikasa says, “and then it’ll be a while before we can try to get our licenses. And then we’re _still_ supposed to have someone else with a permanent license also in the car with us for a bit. Sorry. You’ll just have to continue to freeze.”

Levi sighs, but he doesn’t bother complaining. Smith now has the kids broken up into two smaller teams, pitting them against each other. Eren steals the puck from another boy, and Mikasa cheers him on, which causes the boy that he stole it from to suddenly trip over his own feet. Eren laughs, and Levi chuckles quietly into his tea, watching Mikasa’s surprised expression.

“I didn’t think that would startle anybody,” she admits, once the playing resumes.

“Don’t worry about it,” Levi says. He has a strong suspicion that the boy’s accident had more to do with Mikasa herself than with her shouting. He’s seen that particular boy turn red whenever Mikasa is standing nearby, and has learned from Eren that the kid’s name is Jean-something. Levi finds the whole thing hilarious, mostly because Mikasa and Eren are both completely oblivious to the boy’s obvious crush.

Mikasa doesn’t say anything else, just waits until the practice is over before she stands up again and starts walking back over to Eren. Levi shakes his head and follows her. He’s a little more awake now, and even more aware of just how cold it is in here. He can’t wait until they get back into the car and he can blast the heater on high and begin thawing them all out some.

Eren’s face is pale from the cold, his cheeks and nose a bright red, and Levi just hopes that the brat isn’t going to get pneumonia or something from all of this practicing in these freezing temperatures. So far, he hasn’t, though. It probably helps that Eren doesn’t seem to feel the cold as much as Levi and Mikasa do.

“It looks like you brats are getting better,” he tells Eren when he gets close enough.

Eren chuckles. “I think I’m learning all of the rules, finally,” he says.

That boy, Jean-something, snorts as he walks on by, but surprises Levi by lightly punching Eren’s shoulder in a friendly way. “You shouldn’t get as many penalties as I figured you would when we first started practicing,” he says, apparently in agreement that Eren’s improving.

Eren just rolls his eyes, not looking insulted in the slightest. “Whatever, Jean,” he says. “I bet you’re going to get more penalties than I do during the season.”

Jean-something opens his mouth as if to respond, but Mikasa seems to get tired of standing around waiting for Eren to hurry up and take his skates off already, and grabs his hand to start dragging him over to the bleachers where his shoes are waiting. “Come on,” she says. “Let’s get out of here before my feet freeze to the floor.”

Eren laughs and happily goes with her, and Levi is treated to the very entertaining sight of Jean-something wilting where he stands before he slowly walks away dejectedly. Shrugging his shoulders, Levi yells over to Eren and Mikasa, “I’m going out to get the car started.”

The kids nod, and Levi leaves the building with a sigh of relief. He pulls up the car to meet Mikasa and Eren at the front entrance, and then drives off, happy to be done with hockey for another morning, and trying not to think about how he has to come back the very next day for another practice.

“You brats ready to go home?” he asks, despite all of them already knowing that there’s no way in hell that Levi is driving anywhere else right now. He can still get in some more sleep before he heads off to work, and he plans on doing just that.

Levi looks in the rearview mirror, and sees Mikasa and Eren both smiling drowsily, their heads resting against each other’s as they both finally start to warm back up.

“Yeah,” Eren answers for the both of them, Mikasa nodding slightly in agreement. “Yeah, we’re ready to go home now.”

Good. Levi is, too.


End file.
